Secret Identity II
by Marineko
Summary: [yaoi] *CHAPTER 12 is up, FINALLY!* uhm... here it is... the ending. :p
1. Chapter 1

Title: Secret Identity 2  
  
Author: Black Rainbow  
  
Chapter: 1/?  
  
Status: on-going, quite unedited  
  
Genre: AU, yaoi  
  
Disclaimer: me only own the original characters… Takehiko Inoue owns SD characters, Jahnna N. Malcolm band name, and songs.  
  
Warnings: characters will probably be very ooc, as I don't really know a lot about them. -__- Sorry about that. Also, slight language… I suppose. *wrinkles nose* sort of.  
  
Comments: This particular chapter was inspired by a lovely short story I read called 'Watermelon Seeds' in the zine GIRL IN THE HOODIE, issue 1, by Jill and Becca. So… thank you thank you thank you Jill and Becca!!!! ^^ Also, I lost the actual first chapter and I wrote this again really fast, so I'm sorry if it seems not very coherent, okay?  
  
  
  
Chapter 1  
  
The day was wearing thin and he was tired. The whole day was just full of Hanamichi and Mitsui bickering in the studio, and then Rukawa /had/ to insult the redhead, bringing about yet another fight, and Sendoh wasn't there to calm Hanamichi down. Fujima Kenji sighed as he walked along the streets in some area of Kainan he'd never been before. He had snapped, yelled at the rest of his band to shut up, and stormed out of the studio. He didn't know where he was going, except that he didn't feel like being in Ryonan anymore, suddenly.  
  
So now he was in Kainan, not knowing where he was heading. He was glad that he didn't bother to clean up after himself when he woke up late (and with a horrible hangover) that morning. Now he looked rumpled and tired – he didn't think anyone would recognize him.  
  
Androgynous Zone, their band, was slowly and steadily growing famous, and they were already wary of walking by themselves in the streets without getting mobbed. It had been eight months since they released their first album, WHITE NOISE, and although he would never give it up for anything in the world, he was starting to feel . . . tired . . . of everything around him.  
  
/Tired. Guess that's my favorite word, huh?/  
  
He continued to walk until he reached a café that looked rundown, yet strangely appealing. /Coffee/, he thought. /Coffee would be good./  
  
He stepped into the café, and the beautiful voice of Frank Sinatra singing 'Come Fly With Me' filled his ears. He broke into a smile, the heaviness in his chest easing a little. When he was a child, his mother would play him her Frank Sinatra records whenever he was sad. Even now, just hearing those songs again could lift his spirits a notch. Wondering how god knew this was exactly what he needed at the moment, he went to sit near a window, wanting to just absorb the ambience. The café, though rundown from the outside, was really pretty and cozy inside. It was lit by a row of lovely lavender lamps. Posters, pictures, and old record covers of Frank Sinatra, Bob Dylan and the Beatles covered the walls. Old movie posters also decorated the small café.  
  
/This is perfect/, he thought. /How can anything be so . . . perfect?/  
  
"Hi! I'm Soichiro, your waiter for today," a gentle voice interrupted his thoughts. He looked up, dazed, to see a boy with short-cropped hair smiling at him. "Welcome to Serendipity."  
  
"Huh?" Fujima replied. The morning's hangover was still lingering, and he couldn't think straight, especially after what happened in the studio.  
  
"Serendipity. That's the name of the café," Jin Soichiro explained patiently. He kept his smile as he looked over the boy in front of him. /Lonely/, was his first thought. His eyes lowered as he took in the uncombed hair, the grungy, wrinkled shirt, and the bleached jeans. (Not to mention the bright orange backpack). /He looks like he's running away from something/. His heart tugged as the green-eyed boy finally answered.  
  
"Can I have some coffee?"  
  
"Coffee? Do you want a cappuccino, or –"  
  
"Plain coffee would be fine." The boy turned to look out the window.  
  
"Anything to eat?"  
  
Fujima thought about it. He hadn't eaten anything that day, but in his present condition, even the thought of food made him slightly nauseous. "No, I'd better not." His stomach chose to growl at the moment. The waiter frowned.  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
  
  
  
  
When Jin served him his coffee, he also brought a slice of Oreo cheesecake. Fujima frowned.  
  
"I didn't order any food."  
  
"I know; this is on the house." Jin looked at Fujima with concern as he continued, "you look like you should eat something."  
  
Fujima thanked the boy, confused. When the waiter left him for a second time, he got up to go to a restroom. He stepped towards the sink and turned the tap, intending to wash himself up a bit. That was when he noticed himself in the mirror.  
  
/Sheesh/, he thought. /I look like shit. No wonder the waiter was so concerned. I bet he thought I'm going to drop dead any second or something/.  
  
He washed his face, and went back to his table. As he took the first sip of coffee, he closed his eyes. He spent the next few hours just sipping coffee and looking out of the window. Now and then, Soichiro would come to refill his coffee and provide some small talk.  
  
Sometime late in the evening, Soichiro came, wearing normal clothes, instead of his waiter's uniform. He stood in front of Fujima and opened his mouth as if to say something. Then he closed it again. His eyes showed hope and fear.  
  
"Yeah?" Fujima asked him.  
  
"I was wondering…"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Do you have a place to go?"  
  
Fujima snorted. /Great/, he thought. /Now some good Samaritan thinks that he has to take care of me./ He looked again at Jin. /But . . . / he caught himself as he found himself wondering how the other boy's lips would taste. /I really need to get out of the studio more often/.  
  
He shrugged. "Sure. I guess." It was then that he realized that he had taken the train to Kainan, and it was too late for him to catch the last one back. "Erm… do you know a motel or something where I can go? I think I missed the train back home." He remembered that he also didn't carry that much cash with him. "A cheap place," he added.  
  
Jin's eyebrows knit together as he thought. "You can crash at my place, if you want…" he said hesitantly. Fujima looked at him with unabashed relief. "My shift ends in an hour," he told Fujima. "The thing is… I was going see my friend's band play before heading home, so if you don't mind tagging along…"  
  
Fujima shrugged. "Whatever. You're the one offering me a place to stay; I can't complain, right?" He grinned. Jin hesitantly grinned back.  
  
"So what's your name?"  
  
/If I told him, would he know who I am?/ Fujima wondered. He had reason to be wondering this – Androgynous Zone /was/ becoming a well-known band in Japan. "Kenji," he told Jin, deciding that a lot of people are named Kenji, and he didn't owe the waiter his full name, anyway.  
  
"What do you do?"  
  
"Er…"  
  
"Jin! I pay you to work, not to socialize!" a girl called out from the counter. She had spiky hair that she died maroon, and really dark eyes. She was so small one could barely see her from over the counter. "You're closing today!"  
  
"What do you mean, you pay me?" Jin grumbled. "You don't pay me…" he got up from the seat, telling Fujima, "sorry. Talk to you after I finish closing, okay?"  
  
After the girl left, Jin swept the floor and put the chairs upside down on the table. Fujima helped him, figuring it was the least he could do. Then they walked out, and Jin locked up after the place.  
  
When they reached the club where the band was playing, Jin grinned at Fujima before he flung open the door. The heavy smell of cigarettes and sweat smacked their faces. As they walked across the room, Jin yelled out, "they've already started!" Fujima just nodded.  
  
Jin grabbed Fujima's hand and led him through the crowd. Fujima followed dazedly, feeling as if he was in a dream – everything was a blur to him, and he didn't really feel like himself. /I'm not Fujima Kenji, member of one of the hottest bands in Kanagawa. I am just Kenji from Ryonan./ He sighed mentally. /Now I see why Hanamichi always acted so weird when he's dressed up as a girl. Disguise is . . . liberating./ He put his arms around Jin, and they danced as a new song started. They held each other like they were never going to let go, like they were afraid of losing each other.  
  
As he lay his head against Soichiro's shoulder, Fujima felt a burst of love, or lust, or happiness, or fear, or longing . . . /whatever you call this feeling/, he thought. Maybe it was all of them at once.  
  
  
  
  
  
By the time they left the party, Fujima was wondering if this Jin person was for real. They'd been talking, and he discovered that the boy actually /owned/ the café he was in, (the small girl was his sister, Rei) and that he loved listening to Frank Sinatra, which explained a lot about the café decorations.  
  
Deciding not to let the boy know who he was, he had told Jin that he worked as an office boy in Ryonan. /After all/, he reasoned, /it's not like I'm going to see him again anyway, so what does it matter?/  
  
  
  
*flashback*  
  
"Kenji!"  
  
He looked up, startled to hear his name. He saw Himiko coming towards him, and he was thankful that Jin was out of earshot. When she reached him, she grinned.  
  
"So how is the rock star today?"  
  
"I'm hardly that," Fujima answered.  
  
"Soon, my dear friend, soon," she grinned. "Hey, look, I'm sorry that things didn't go so well with my brother and all…"  
  
"… it's okay…"  
  
"Found someone else, hmm?" She smiled, and nodded towards where Jin was talking to some people. "I saw you come in together."  
  
"It's nothing like that, I just met him today," Fujima said quickly. "I didn't even tell him who I was."  
  
"Feeling the strains of fame already, eh?" She nodded in a 'I understand' sort of way, and continued, "don't worry, I won't tell." She flashed him a grin before turning serious. "But, I know him, and you better not hurt him, okay? Anyway, I've got to go, I'm only here because the band is performing."  
  
(later that night)  
  
"The next song is for Kenji!" The crowds cheered as Pristine Smut began to play the intro to their next song.  
  
"I don't care if you don't know me  
  
And I don't care if you don't even like me  
  
Can't we just spend tonight together  
  
So I got something to think about tomorrow, oh  
  
So I got something to think about tomorrow" [1]  
  
Fujima stared at his drink, reddening at what Himiko was trying to say to him. /It's nothing like that…/ he told himself, again. He knew there was to be nothing between him and Soichiro.  
  
*end flashback*  
  
  
  
That night when they went to Soichiro's apartment, Fujima was shown to the only bedroom while Soichiro changed. Fujima slept in the clothes he wore, since he didn't have anything else. They slept together in a tangle of limbs – there was much passion without sex. [2] Before he slept, Jin touched his lips lightly on Fujima's forehead and whispered good night. Fujima closed his eyes against the tenderness. To him, Soichiro smelled so white and pure. /Another reason I have to forget about him once tomorrow comes/, he thought to himself. /I can't drag him into my life when I'm such a mess/. He snuggled closer as he fell asleep.  
  
  
  
The next morning, Fujima turned to look at the boy sleeping next to him. As he had expected, nothing had happened. There was something about Jin that evaded him. He thought that Jin radiated a pureness that he couldn't even begin to describe. His friends had told him that he looked innocent, but after meeting Jin, he felt like he never even knew what innocent meant. He turned to his side to have a better view of the sleeping boy, his fingers tracing the outline of Jin's face.  
  
Pretty…  
  
He was sure that if he actually came on to Jin, the boy wouldn't reject him. But he felt like he couldn't – he knew that it was wrong for someone like him to just come and mess up another person's life just because he felt something was missing from his own.  
  
/Besides, I'm not going to see him anymore./  
  
A beeping noise startled him. He sat up quickly, and his hands went automatically to his orange backpack, which he rummaged for his cell phone. He picked it up.  
  
"Moshi moshi."  
  
"Kenji! Where the heck are you???"  
  
It was Mitsui, of course. Who else. He rolled his eyes.  
  
"Kainan."  
  
Silence. After a few seconds, he thought that he should hang up, then he heard Mitsui's reply. "What the fuck are you doing in Kainan? Do you know that we've been worried about you? Why did you just storm out of the studio like that? And what's with the –"  
  
"Hisashi. I'm going back to Ryonan now, okay? You don't have to worry about me." He hung up before the other boy could reply. He wondered what his friends' reactions would be like when he came back. Hanamichi wouldn't care, as long as he was alive, and was attending practice. Rukawa might be worried, but he wouldn't say anything. Mitsui was mad, and probably would still be when he reached Ryonan. Kiminobu, who's still their sound technician (and Mitsui's boyfriend), would be worried and tell him so.  
  
He looked again at the boy sleeping on the bed. /Should I leave him a note?/ he wondered. Deciding not to, he picked up his backpack and got up to leave.  
  
-tbc-  
  
[1] song: by The Murmurs… I don't remember the title, though..  
  
[2] this line is in the actual story in the zine, I think… I can't be sure as I don't have it with me anymore… but I'm almost sure this exact line is from the zine. So … I don't take credit for it! ^^  
  
The rest of the band will be in the next chapter, don't worry! And… *runs and hides* don't kill me for doing a really strange pairing!!!! Actually, even I'm not really sure that this pairing will work . . . but . . . 


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Secret Identity 2  
  
Author: Black Rainbow  
  
Chapter: 2/?  
  
Status: on-going, quite unedited  
  
Genre: AU, yaoi  
  
Disclaimer: me only own the original characters… Takehiko Inoue owns SD characters, Jahnna N. Malcolm band name, and songs.  
  
Warnings: characters will probably be very OOC, as I don't really know a lot about them. -__- Sorry about that.  
  
Comments: someone asked me about the zine I mentioned in the last chapter – it's called GIRL IN THE HOODIE, and it is by Jill and Becca from… Minnesota, if I'm not mistaken. (I'm studying there this Fall! Whooo! ^__^) Thanks for the reviews!  
  
  
  
Chapter 2  
  
  
  
Jin woke up alone. He sat up and stared at the tangled blankets. He closed his eyes and felt  
  
the delicate tug of melancholy in him. /Who was that boy?/ he wondered, thinking about  
  
the night before.  
  
When he first saw Kenji come into the store, his breath caught. There was something about  
  
Kenji that he couldn't put his finger on. /Is his name really Kenji? What's his full name?/  
  
A glance at Kenji would make people immediately think, 'innocent.' But he could see from the  
  
easy way Kenji walked, from the intense look in his eyes, and from the weary, disheveled look he  
  
had, that he was anything but. Innocence was a mask.  
  
Jin appreciated masks. He accepted that people learn to use it as they walk through life,  
  
sometimes for the heck of it, but mostly for survival. However, he had never felt the need,  
  
or the want, to do so.  
  
Reopening his eyes slowly, he brought his knees up and hugged himself as he thought about the  
  
strange night he had. He has sensed a boredom, and tiredness, to Kenji. He wondered why was  
  
that. And he wondered why was it that it made him feel like he needed to do something about  
  
it.  
  
He heard a creak as his bedroom door opened, and he turned to look at the small figure of his  
  
older sister. He mentally cursed himself for giving her a spare key to his apartment.  
  
"Soi-chan?"  
  
He gave her a small smile as he greeted her, "Ohayo, 'neesan."  
  
She looked around the room. "Is he here?"  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"The guy you kept looking at yesterday."  
  
"No."  
  
"Oh." She looked relieved as she came over to sit next to him on the bed. "You know, I worry  
  
about you."  
  
"He left already."  
  
"WHAT?" She blinked. "You mean he WAS here?"  
  
"Hai." He let himself fall back on the bed and stared at the ceiling. "I don't see what the  
  
big deal is about." /Just that last night was the strangest, and perhaps the best, night I've  
  
ever had./  
  
"What do you mean, what's the big deal? He could have been anyone! He could have been a mass murderer for all you know!"  
  
He smiled. "He's not," he said softly. She rolled her eyes.  
  
"Well, obviously you'd know that NOW," she said. "But you should -"  
  
"It's not like I'm going to make a habit of it, okay?" he said quietly. "Don't worry about  
  
me."  
  
"..."  
  
"Oneesan, I trusted him. He's okay."  
  
"You trust everyone."  
  
He was silent as he pondered over that. Was he too trusting? "Maybe," he answered out loud.  
  
"Probably I am."  
  
"You are. That's why I ha-"  
  
"Don't worry about me," he interrupted.  
  
"Whatever," she said lightly, letting it go. "You want me to make you breakfast before I  
  
leave?"  
  
"Sure," he said without thinking about it. He wondered what Kenji was doing at the moment.  
  
  
  
  
  
"What do you think you're doing, just blowing off practice like that?? And to go to Kainan! What's in Kainan that you have to see so much?"  
  
Fujima shrugged. "I found this really good cafe."  
  
Hanamichi snorted at that. Both him and Fujima watched curiously as Mitsui's face turned from red to purple in anger. Fujima then glanced at Kiminobu - as he had expected, the bespectacled boy was looking at him with concern. He offered Kiminobu a smile and turned back to look at Mitsui, who looked too angry to find the words to express it.  
  
"Kenji is alright now, so don't be so hard on him," a smooth voice interrupted. They turned to see their manager, Sendoh Akira, walking in. "If you needed a break, you could have said so, you know," he continued.  
  
Fujima shook his head. "No, it's okay. It's just that that day..."  
  
Sendoh grinned. "I heard that the band caused chaos in the studio."  
  
"That's an understatement," Mitsui muttered, remembering the fight between Hanamichi and him, and the one between Hanamichi and Rukawa, and the one between Hanamichi and one of the crewmembers. Hanamichi glared at him. Sendoh's eyes twinkled in amusement.  
  
Deciding to change the subject, Fujima asked Sendoh, "why weren't you here yesterday?"  
  
"Oh, I had to do something," he smiled mysteriously. "Yet again, I am the bearer of good news."  
  
"Oh, tell us already," Mitsui muttered. "Spare us the suspense."  
  
"Well, I've been talking to Maki, and we think that a month is enough for you to get ready for your first tour." His smile grew wider as he looked around, anticipating their reactions.  
  
"What?"  
  
"You're kidding."  
  
"..."  
  
Hanamichi just walked over to him and planted a kiss on his lips. "I knew it," Hanamichi murmured. Now his hair was just above his shoulders; the rest of his hair had used to make a wig for himself. It was Sendoh's idea – as they had decided on continuing the charade that Hanamichi was a girl, Hanamichi would have to wear the wig whenever he was to be Miyamoto Hana (his stage name).  
  
Sendoh's arms snaked around Hanamichi's waist. "I think this is my favorite reaction so far," he said.  
  
Fujima felt slight envy as he watched the two boys when he felt a tap on his shoulders. He turned to look at his cousin, who had been listening to them silently since he walked into the studio.  
  
"Are you okay?" Rukawa asked quietly.  
  
"Yeah." He nodded. "I was just irritated with Mitsui - he thinks that we all have to always tell each other where we are or something."  
  
"He worries about you," his cousin said simply. Fujima was taken aback. /Mitsui? Worry about someone other than himself or Kiminobu?/  
  
"I don't think so.." he started to say.  
  
"You haven't been yourself lately," Rukawa elaborated. "All of us worried."  
  
"Yeah, right."  
  
"..."  
  
Fujima sighed. "I'm sorry if you were worried, but I'm okay, okay?"  
  
"..."  
  
He just shook his head and tried to catch the words Sendoh was addressing to them. All that he caught was "more photoshoots..." and "..magazine.." And "Androgynous Zone."  
  
He frowned, trying to at least appear attentive. He wondered if Soichiro was having a more pleasant morning at the cafe.  
  
- tbc - 


	3. Chapter 3

Title: Secret Identity 2  
  
Author: Black Rainbow  
  
Chapter: 3/?  
  
Status: on-going, quite unedited  
  
Genre: AU, yaoi  
  
Archive: pinkbutterflies, if for some reason you want it, e-mail me. ^^  
  
Disclaimer: me only own the original characters… Takehiko Inoue owns SD characters, Jahnna N. Malcolm band name, and songs.  
  
Warnings: crossdressing. characters will probably be very OOC, as I don't really know a lot about them.  
  
-__- Sorry about that.  
  
Comments: mmhmmm… another seemingly pointless chapter. I think school's finally catching up on me, yup, I think so… ^___^ hopefully this story would be better when I write it during the semester break…  
  
For Lita  
  
//thank you so much! *hugs* I really regret not writing a better chapter…//  
  
  
  
Chapter 3  
  
  
  
Fujima turned away from the low murmurs of Mitsui and Kiminobu talking, and looked out the window. From there he could see Hanamichi and Sendoh playing basketball. From the loud shouts he could hear, he guessed that Sendoh was winning. He smiled. The redhead could never admit that Sendoh was better at him.  
  
Now that Sendoh knows about Hanamichi's crossdressing, Hanamichi didn't really mind the disguise anymore. "As long as I have Akira – and my music, of course," he had stated primly the last time Fujima asked him about it.  
  
He shook his head. Hanamichi had changed a lot since he decided to crossdress. Sure, the guy was still hot tempered, and he still thought that he was a bleeding genius (which annoyed the rest of them to no end) . . . but he had mellowed down a bit as well. It probably had a lot to do with Sendoh.  
  
/I'm bored/, Fujima suddenly thought. 'Hanging out' isn't like it used to be anymore. Mitsui would always be with Kiminobu, which was normal. But normal was also him and Hanamichi talking, sometimes even with Rukawa. Sometimes they didn't talk – they just jammed. Now Hanamichi was with Sendoh most of the time, and Rukawa was . . . he turned from the window to look for his cousin.  
  
Of course – sleeping.  
  
His cousin slept peacefully on the long velvet couch next to the window. Rukawa was rarely bothered about anything, really. Sometimes Fujima wished that he could be more like his cousin. While Rukawa was always calm, he would always feel restless. He was told that he looked like he got it all together, and like he could do anything… but the reality was, he felt that he was always anxious about something, and he always felt like there was something he was trying to get but he couldn't.  
  
At least that was how he felt lately.  
  
He thought back of the photo shoot they did yesterday. They had gone back to Ayako's.  
  
  
  
*flashback*  
  
"Hi! It's good to see you again, especially since you're actually someone now," Ryota Miyagi said as he greeted them. "It's nice to know that we might have played a part in the – itai!" He winced in pain as the paper fan hit him. "Aya-chan!"  
  
The band – minus Rukawa, who looked on impassively – grinned at each other. The last time they went for a photo shoot there, almost the same thing happened. "How are you?" Fujima asked.  
  
"Great! Aya-chan and I are engaged now, did you know?"  
  
"Ryota! Please get to work," Ayako interrupted. Fujima noticed with amusement that her cheeks were a little red.  
  
"Congratulations," he told her sincerely.  
  
"Thanks," she said, growing redder. Miyagi cheerfully showed them to the dressing rooms – Hana knew to go to the girls' dressing room by now – and instructed them to do their make-up as well as gave them the clothes for them to change into.  
  
The photo shoot wasn't as eventful as the last one they had; Hana didn't make much of a fuss, and they were pretty much getting used to it already. Ayako tried to do a couple shot of Hana and Rukawa yet again – and Hana said no, again. At least this time he didn't lock himself up in the dressing room. Ayako kept on begging, and in a while Miyagi was, too – anything to please his Aya-chan.  
  
"No, no, no, no, no…" Hana chanted, sounding like a child.  
  
"Hana-chan…" Sendoh started. Fujima raised his eyebrows. /This should be interesting/, he thought. "Do it for me?"  
  
Hana looked at Sendoh incredulously. "You want me to pose with this . . . this . . . this kitsune?"  
  
Sendoh nodded, a smile still playing on his lips. Fujima wondered what he was up to. "You see, I really think it would be a good picture," he said.  
  
"Of course a picture with the tensai in it would be good!"  
  
"Of course," Sendoh agreed, thinking that his Hana-chan looked adorable whether as a boy or girl. "So why not take the picture?"  
  
"What do you mean, why not?" Hana frowned.  
  
Sendoh decided to try another tactic. "Don't you love me?"  
  
Hana turned beet red as Miyagi coughed and Mitsui sniggered. Rukawa was looking up, staring at the ceiling to convey his boredom to the rest of them. Fujima and Ayako just watched, wondering what the outcome would be. "Of course I love you," Hana sputtered, his face now as red as his hair.  
  
"Then do this ONE picture, for me?" Sendoh wheedled. "Please? Just one," he assured Hana. "After this you don't ever have to do another one ever again."  
  
"… okay." Hana's answer was quiet, but all of them heard it. Ayako whooped with joy.  
  
And so, Hana and Rukawa had their one couple shot. Fujima had to admit that it was a really good one – he haven't even seen the photo yet, but from what he could imagine at Ayako's studio, it was going to be a really promising picture. Ayako wanted a picture that was really simple, but showed their opposite characteristics.  
  
Fujima wondered why Sendoh wanted the picture done so much, though.  
  
*end flashback*  
  
  
  
Sighing at the memory, Fujima stood up. Kiminobu glanced at him questioningly, but he just shrugged. Mitsui, who just looked up, frowned. "Kenji…"  
  
Fujima just shrugged again. He muttered, "I just want to take a walk," and quickly strode out of the room. Lately everything has just been suffocating him. He walked out of the house, ignoring the calls Hanamichi shouted when the redhead saw him leave.  
  
/I just need some time by myself. Is that so hard to understand? Is that such a weird thing to ask for?/ he wondered to himself. He continued walking down the street, looking up and closing his eyes against the sun for a second. He smiled as he felt the warmth on his face. He then focused again to the streets in front of him. He had no idea where he was going. He just wanted to take a walk.  
  
The night before he had written the beginning of a new song, but he haven't written the lyrics for it yet. When he wrote, he preferred to wait for inspiration to strike rather than laboring on it. And as he walked, he replayed what he wrote in his head, and suddenly knew the words to it.  
  
Don't say the word if you don't want it done  
  
Don't tell me your name if you don't want it sung… [1]  
  
He started singing softly to himself, trying to memorize the words. "Don't come any closer –" he stopped both singing and walking as he realized where his feet were taking him. He was heading towards the train station! Suddenly the thought of going back to Serendipity came to him.  
  
/No/, he told himself. /I am not going to see him again, remember?/  
  
He turned a corner, and soon he could see the station from afar. /But then again…/ he really wanted to know how Jin was doing.  
  
"Oh, well…" he muttered to himself. /I don't have to go in. I can just pass by to see if he's okay./  
  
  
  
  
  
Fujima stood outside Serendipity, peering through the windows. He could see Jin talking animatedly with his sister, and another girl. He just stared from the outside, taking in the sight of the younger boy while wondering what exactly was he doing there.  
  
After a few minutes, he thought that he should probably leave. /I don't know what's wrong with me, but I think Sendoh is right. I need a rest./  
  
He was about to turn and walk back down to the street, when he heard Jin's voice calling him.  
  
"Kenji!"  
  
  
  
- tbc -  
  
[1] Turn It On by sleater-kinney. I would use the songs I write with my friend for this fic if I thought it was appropriate, but it isn't, so I'm borrowing other people's songs, okay? ^__^  
  
ahh…. Yes, another short, rather pointless chapter. I wouldn't even write this, except for the fact that the upcoming finals is really really really bringing me down, and I needed to write SOMETHING to cheer myself up, which didn't work…. :p  
  
Black Rainbow  
  
PINKBUTTERFLIES  
  
http://angelfire.com/zine2/effoff/ 


	4. Chapter 4

Title: Secret Identity 2  
  
Author: Black Rainbow  
  
Chapter: 4/?  
  
Status: on-going, quite unedited  
  
Genre: AU, yaoi  
  
Archive: pinkbutterflies, if for some reason you want it, e-mail me. ^^  
  
Disclaimer: me only own the original characters… Takehiko Inoue owns SD characters, Jahnna N. Malcolm band name, and songs.  
  
Warnings: crossdressing. characters will probably be very OOC, as I don't really know a lot about them.  
  
-__- Sorry about that. Maybe there's slight language…  
  
Comments: I think I'm developing a habit in writing pointless chapters, heh heh. Thanks to the wonderful band Sleater-Kinney, who inspired me to write this chapter!! *sighs* I need more punk records…  
  
Anyway, sorry for posting these two chapters so late! I don't go to fanfiction.net as often as I go to Slam Dunk Babble Club…. ^^  
  
For chibi angel, sushi and jaayx ^___^  
  
Hope you like it!! I tried not to make it suck… :p  
  
  
  
Chapter 4  
  
  
  
"Kenji!"  
  
Fujima stopped, but he didn't turn to face the café. He just waited, not knowing what would happen. His heart was definitely beating more than 72 times in a minute [1] when he heard the jingle as the café door opened and someone attacked him with a massive hug from behind.  
  
He had to clear his throat before asking, "Soichiro?"  
  
The hug became tighter, and he started to pull out of the embrace. Jin released him. When he turned to face Jin, he found that the boy was looking at him steadily in the eye.  
  
"I thought I was never going to see you again."  
  
Suddenly Fujima felt overcome by guilt. He tried to tell himself that there was no reason to feel that way, but he still did. He gave Jin a crooked smile, and said in an offhand manner, "Do you seriously think I can resist a café that plays Frank Sinatra? I don't think so…"  
  
Jin smiled back uncertainly. He just continued looking at Fujima until the other boy turned away. "You weren't going to come in," he stated simply.  
  
Closing his eyes, Fujima answered truthfully, "No, I wasn't." He figured that he could be honest to Soichiro about at least one thing. He opened his eyes again, catching the swift disappointment that flashed in Jin's eyes. In a lame attempt to makes things better, he asked, "Do you want to hang out today?"  
  
Jin eyed him curiously. "Aren't you supposed to be at work?"  
  
"Work?"  
  
"Yeah. You told me you work at an office or something, right? Isn't it still during office hours now?"  
  
Fujima blinked. He forgot about that. "Uhm, well, you see…" he started. "I took the day off today."  
  
Jin nodded, putting the matter behind them. "Okay," he said.  
  
"Hmm?" Fujima asked vaguely. His eyes strayed towards the café windows, from which he could see Jin's sister, Rei, glaring at them. Another girl next to Rei was looking on inquisitively, while trying to look indifferent.  
  
"Okay, I'll hang out with you," Jin repeated. "Business is slow today; Rei can handle it. Just let me tell her I'm going out." He dashed back into the café, startling Fujima a little.  
  
/Something must be wrong with me lately/, Fujima decided. /There are times now when I could swear that I wasn't even thinking/.  
  
He didn't want to spend more time with Jin. He didn't want to get any closer to the boy than he was already. He always felt like such a mess, and he felt that if he got closer to Jin… he could fall in love. And that was one thing he didn't need at the moment.  
  
Don't come any closer  
  
That's good enough [2]  
  
His thoughts vanished as Jin emerged from the café, pulling on a hooded jacket. Jin flashed him a smile and he felt warmer inside. When Jin reached him they proceeded to walk together, both feeling like they've known each other forever.  
  
  
  
  
  
By evening that day, Jin and Fujima had gone for ice cream, a movie, bookstore scouring, and they even visited a small shop selling costume jewelry – all at the mall. Jin had wanted to go to a record store as well – "I haven't bought new records in AGES," he said – and Fujima almost consented, when he could see a music store from the corner of his eyes.  
  
The store had a huge Androgynous Zone poster plastered right near the main entrance.  
  
"Er," he said, pulling Jin towards the opposite direction. "I think I'm getting hungry – let's get something to eat, okay?"  
  
Jin hesitated, but conceded. "All right." Smiling, he added, "I choose the place, though, okay?"  
  
"Sure," Fujima answered, nodding. "I think –" He was interrupted by the loud ringing of his cell phone. "Excuse me," he muttered, picking it up and walking a few steps away from Jin.  
  
"Moshi mo –"  
  
"KENJI!"  
  
He sighed. "Hisashi," he said unenthusiastically. "What's up?"  
  
"I thought you were just taking 'a little walk.'"  
  
"Ano.."  
  
"Are you coming for practice tonight? Where are you?"  
  
"Hai. I'm in Kainan."  
  
"AGAIN? What –"  
  
Fujima waited patiently as Mitsui's voice became more distant. He could hear strange sounds, as if the other phone was being snatched away. In two seconds another voice came on the line.  
  
"Kenji, are you okay?"  
  
"I'm fine, Kiminobu. I'm not a child, you know. You don't have to know where I am every single hour."  
  
"I guess you're right."  
  
Fujima looked at Jin, who was gazing into space while Fujima was on the phone. "When am I supposed to be back again?"  
  
"If you're in Kainan then you probably should head back now."  
  
Fujima nodded absently, and said his goodbye to Kiminobu as he hung up. And switched off the phone. He turned back to Jin.  
  
"I have to go," he said.  
  
"I guessed," Jin replied. "I'll walk you to the station."  
  
"No, no, I'll walk you to the café first."  
  
"I'm walking you to the station," Jin stated more firmly. He smiled and took Fujima's hand. "Come on."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
When they reached the station, Fujima looked at Jin uncertainly. He wasn't sure what would come next. When they first met, he was sure that he would never meet Jin again, so he figured it didn't matter what happened. But now, he wasn't even sure if he was going to meet Jin again, or what exactly is their relationship. All that he knew was one thing – he didn't really want to leave.  
  
Don't go away  
  
Can't stand the thought  
  
/Komatta-na../ [3]  
  
"Soichiro.." he started, then stopped. What did he want to say? He didn't know. His mind searched frantically for something to say.  
  
Then it went blank.  
  
Jin had suddenly come up to him and wrapped his arms around Fujima. Fujima couldn't think anymore. He didn't need to. Their lips met instinctively, and Fujima could feel warmth spreading all over him, and his arms came up to circle Jin's neck. He gave a feathered sigh across Jin's lips as the other boy teased his mouth open, tempting him with his tongue to explore the new taste and texture. Fujima clung onto Jin, sinking into the kiss.  
  
It's too warm  
  
Inside your hands  
  
It's too hard  
  
It's too good  
  
It's just that when you touched me  
  
I could not stand up  
  
I fell into  
  
I fell down  
  
Somewhere in the back on his mind, Fujima knew that this probably shouldn't be happening. That it was wrong, and that it could be a big mistake. But the feel of their hearts beating heavily against each other felt so right. He wanted more, he wanted –  
  
"Get a room!" a yell broke through his thoughts. The two boys immediately pulled away from each other, flushed, for more reasons than one.  
  
/I can't believe I actually did that. In public./ His eyes still glazed with wonder and desire, he looked at Jin, who had the same expression on his face.  
  
A passerby walked by quickly, almost knocking Jin down as he brushed past them. They could hear the man's mutter, "fucking queers."  
  
Fujima swallowed. "Are you okay?" he asked Jin. The other boy just nodded slowly, taking a deep breath. Then his eyes met Fujima's, and they stared at each other.  
  
"Where do we go from here?" Fujima asked, confused.  
  
Jin shook his head. "I don't know."  
  
Fujima's head jerked into a single nod. "I have to go," he muttered, his throat dry.  
  
"Take care."  
  
He cleared his throat. "Yeah," he replied slowly. "I'll see you."  
  
He practically ran up to the station, not looking back even once.  
  
- tbc -  
  
[1] normally yr heart beats in that rate, right? I'm actually listening to Cibo Matto right now, and they're singing Working For Vacation, lyrics: "feeling wrong 'cause the days are too long, counting heartbeats 72 in a minute.." erm. Yeah.  
  
[2] notice that I write a lot of note thingies lately?? Something must be wrong with me… ^__^ anyway, that's a line from Sleater-Kinney's "Turn It On." Oh, and the other song bits in this fic are from that song, too….  
  
[3] translation: something like, "I wonder what I should do.." correct me if I'm wrong! ( My brother tries to teach me Japanese but I'm not learning so fast… (maybe because my friend is also teaching Swahili at the same time! ^^;;)  
  
  
  
You know what, I lied. I did this chapter and STILL haven't done my microeconomics assignment. Oh, well… at least I completed my sociology paper and business communications report already!! ^__^  
  
Only 5 more days to finals….  
  
BLACK RAINBOW  
  
* pinkbutterflies font color="deeppink"})I({/font  
  
http://angelfire.com/zine2/effoff 


	5. Chapter 5

Title: Secret Identity II  
  
Author: Black Rainbow  
  
Chapter: 5/?  
  
Status: on-going, quite unedited  
  
Genre: AU, yaoi  
  
Archive: pinkbutterflies, if for some reason you want it, e-mail me. ^^  
  
Disclaimer: me only own the original characters and story… Takehiko Inoue owns SD characters, Jahnna N. Malcolm band name, and songs.  
  
Warnings: crossdressing. characters will probably be very OOC, as I don't really know a lot about them.  
  
-__- Sorry about that.  
  
Comments: the prospect of seeing my friend's band play next Saturday made me excited enough to write this! ^__^  
  
  
  
Chapter 5  
  
  
  
"All right, let's take a five minutes break," Hana called out. The rest of the band agreed wholeheartedly. Mitsui straight away went to get some of the juice that Kiminobu had prepared while they practiced. Rukawa laid down his guitar and walked off, /probably in search of a place to nap/, Fujima mused.  
  
As for himself, Fujima walked quietly towards the tinted glass doors that led to the balcony, and went outside. The balcony was huge, and empty, if you didn't count the one sofa and coffee table. On good days they would take their instruments outside to play.  
  
Fujima sat on the sofa, sighing softly. He couldn't get the time he spent with Jin out of his mind. It was going too fast, he decided. Everything was just too fast. Not only his relationship with Jin, but also the band, the rush of songwriting and practices for the tour and their second album, the too-quick rise to fame, the sudden emptiness.  
  
"There was a story about a man who loved climbing," he remembered his Obaachan telling him. "All his life, he wanted to climb this one mountain. And he did everything, learned everything he could just so that he could climb that mountain. He thought that it was all he wanted in life. And one day, he reached the top of that mountain. But the only thing he felt was emptiness. He felt empty because he didn't know what he wanted to do now that he has done what he wanted to do."  
  
He shook his head at the memory. There was nothing similar between his grandmother's story and his life, he told himself. Except that he felt restless and he didn't know what he wanted.  
  
/I feel like everything is going too fast, and I'm losing control over my own life, and my own music/, he thought. /And now I don't even seem to be able to control what's happening between me and Soichiro. It's all… too fast./  
  
He was so deep in thought that he didn't look up when the tinted glass doors opened, and someone came to sit next to him. He would have told the person to go away, but the presence of the newcomer was comforting, and he knew he didn't have to talk if he didn't want to.  
  
"Kenji."  
  
"What's up?" he asked lightly. "They told you to check up on your cousin, see if he's okay?" /Please don't ask me if I'm okay/, he thought. /I'm getting sick of that question./  
  
"I'm not going to ask you if you're okay," Rukawa said quietly.  
  
"Good." Fujima looked up at the sky. It was getting dark enough to see the stars.  
  
"I know you're going to lie, if I ask you."  
  
Fujima sat up straight and turned to look at his cousin. "What?"  
  
"You were quiet all through practice today. That's not like you."  
  
"Yeah, well," Fujima laughed shortly. "You seem to be talking a lot right now. That's not like /you/."  
  
Rukawa ignored the comment. "What happened?"  
  
"I don't know." He felt like sighing again. Instead, Fujima asked, "do you think that everything is just happening too fast?"  
  
"…"  
  
He continued, "I think that it's like I'm not controlling my life anymore. Everything revolves around this band, where Sendoh or Maki makes almost all the decisions, and then there's…" he faltered, not wanting to tell Rukawa about Jin.  
  
"I think it's going too fast for everyone," Rukawa said quietly. "But this is what we wanted…"  
  
"I know, I know," Fujima said. "And it's not like I'm not grateful to Sendoh-san for making it happen, or anything… it's just that…" he paused as he realized what he had been subconsciously worried about the past few weeks. "How long do you think this would last?"  
  
Rukawa looked at him with a small look of surprise.  
  
"Everything is just too good right now, you know, and I'm not controlling it… it's like fate is steamrolling us with good luck or something, and it hasn't been our choice. Well, almost. We /did/ work hard for this to happen. But still." He looked at Rukawa with worried eyes, "it's like a good dream, sort of. How long will it last?"  
  
"…"  
  
"I know you can't answer me. But thanks for listening," he muttered, leaning back into the sofa. The two of them were quietly sitting and pondering from that moment on. Fujima's mind went back to Jin – he supposed that he had the same questions about Jin as he had had about Androgynous Zone.  
  
The door to the balcony opened again, and the two of them turned to look at Kiminobu, who peered out into the balcony. "Uh, the break's over," he called.  
  
"Yeah, get your asses in here," they could hear Hana shouting from inside. Fujima smiled as Rukawa gave a mutter.  
  
"Do'ahou."  
  
Maybe the band would last and maybe it won't . . . but some things will never change, he decided.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A week and a half later, Fujima found himself in the train bound to Kainan again. He hadn't been to see Jin since the past week because he had practices and small gigs and a magazine interview keeping him busy.  
  
/I can make up excuses all my life, but the fact still remains – I don't know what to do when I'm with him/, he told himself. /I don't even know if this is right./  
  
While in the train, he took out his notebook from his bag pack and flipped it open to the page where he had scribbled out the song he was working on. The lyrics were still incomplete. He looked them over and decided that he didn't know how to continue with it yet, so he put the notebook back into the orange bag. He saw himself reflected against the large windows of the train – a comparatively tall, almost too-skinny boy in an oversized second- hand shirt and uncombed hair, looking very much like an angel that has fallen from grace. Or a lost soul. He smiled grimly at his reflection as the train stopped, and he walked out.  
  
The weather that day was humid, and he thought that if it hadn't been because of the sunglasses (he had started to wear them more often now) he would have to walk with his eyes half-shut against the sun. Still, he kept his head down as he quickened his pace towards Serendipity.  
  
When he neared the café, he was at first puzzled because he couldn't hear the usual music. As he kept on walking, he could hear gentle notes coming from an acoustic guitar, playing a tune that was all too familiar to him. It was 'Fooled You', his band's latest single, but played in a much softer way. And the voice wasn't Hana's, it was…  
  
He ran up the remaining steps towards the café door. He saw Jin strumming a guitar absently while singing along with his sister from the café window, and leaned in for a closer look.  
  
When Jin looked up, he saw Fujima staring at him from outside, his face pressed against the glass window. He stilled himself against the rush of emotions that came over him; it was a strange mix of everything Kenji had made him feel since they've known each other – excitement and happiness and desire and disappointment and fear and insecurity.  
  
He gave Fujima a small smile to indicate that the other boy should come in, and continued singing.  
  
Fujima came in, and took a seat near Jin. It felt too weird to be listening to Jin sing Hana's song, so he took out his notebook from his bag and flipped open to his half-finished song again. He doodled around the edges of the paper, but he still couldn't continue the song. Sighing, he closed the book and looked up. Jin had finished singing.  
  
Rei, looking over at Fujima, took the guitar away from Jin. Jin just gave her a shrug and went to sit at Fujima's table. They looked at each other for a while, until Fujima broke the silence.  
  
"I didn't know you sang."  
  
Jin turned slightly pink. "I don't. I just fool around with the guitar sometimes. It sort of became a habit."  
  
Fujima nodded. "That song…"  
  
"It's by Androgynous Zone, this new band from Shohoku or something. Himiko gave me a copy of their demo tape, and I thought it was really good. She told me that they have an album out; I have to get it soon." Jin smiled. "We still haven't gone to the record store, you know."  
  
"Oh." Fujima didn't know what to say. /What could I say? That he's listening to my music? "I neglected to tell you this before, but I happen to be part of Androgynous Zone, currently one of the most popular new bands in Kanagawa, and quickly gaining popularity throughout the rest of Japan?" What could I say?/  
  
"You know what? I feel like taking a walk," Jin announced cheerfully. Fujima smiled at him, feeling warm all over again at the look in Jin's eyes.  
  
"Let's go."  
  
Jin grabbed Fujima's hands and practically pulled the older boy out of the café, and down the steps to the streets, and he kept on pulling Fujima into the back street, where there was nobody there. Satisfied, his arms snaked around Fujima's neck and he planted a chaste kiss on the Fujima's lips.  
  
"I missed you," he said with a sigh.  
  
Fujima returned the embrace, craving the closeness. "I miss you, too," he murmured.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
At the same moment, another couple was having an extremely different experience.  
  
"You – you lying bastard!"  
  
"Hana-chan…"  
  
"I didn't pose with the kitsune for this!" the redhead yelled, livid. He threw the stack of CDs at Sendoh, who ducked just in time.  
  
"Hana-chan…" his boyfriend tried again, but he only answered by throwing another CD. Kiminobu, who was witnessing the whole thing, took a deep breath.  
  
"Hanamichi… why would he ask you to pose for that picture if it wasn't for promotional purposes?" he asked, trying to calm his brother down.  
  
Hanamichi stopped briefly to give his brother a confused look. "I… I don't know," he muttered. "Maybe because he's a pervert?"  
  
Sendoh winced at that, while giving Hanamichi a 'how could you?' look. Hanamichi just glared back. Kiminobu quickly continued before Hanamichi could start throwing more CDs, "aren't you glad that it isn't because of that, then? Erm, it's just a CD cover, you know. It's not the end of the world."  
  
"Not the end of the world? Not the end of the world?" Hanamichi asked, sputtering. "How can you say that? EVERYONE'S going to see it; Haruko will see it, 'TOUCHAN is going to see it, not to mention all the people who buys the CD…" he gave Kiminobu an horror-struck look. "Everyone would see that picture of the kitsune and me…"  
  
"Hana-chan…" Sendoh said again, putting all the remaining CDs out of Hanamichi's reach. "It's the perfect cover for the singles, okay?" Pointing towards the CDs, he continued, "Remember that we've all decided to release 'Sin' and 'Toy' as a double single, and I asked you if you'd mind posing for the cover, and you said you don't?"  
  
"But I posed for a different picture…" Hanamichi argued.  
  
"I know; it's just that the marketing department preferred this one." He took one look at Hanamichi and knew that Hanamichi knew that he had planned to use the couple shot for the cover anyway, but decided to continue with his pretended innocence and said, "I'm sorry…"  
  
Hanamichi had stopped wanting to throw things at Sendoh. But he slammed his head against the wall instead. Sendoh sweatdropped, and Kiminobu inched out of the room, deciding to let the couple settle the matter on their own.  
  
"Uh.. Hana-kun…"  
  
"What?" the redhead snapped.  
  
"I love you?"  
  
Hanamichi gave him another glare and stormed out of the room. Sendoh winced again as the door slammed loudly.  
  
/Good thing he hasn't seen the new billboard advertisement for the tour yet/, he thought.  
  
  
  
- tbc -  
  
*sighs* new chapter! And without footnotes! ^___^ I don't know why this chapter happened, but since it did, I should post this and continue with my economics now…. *rushes off like mad* 


	6. Chapter 6

Title: Secret Identity II  
  
Author: Black Rainbow  
  
Chapter: 6/?  
  
Status: on-going, quite unedited  
  
Genre: AU, yaoi  
  
Archive: pinkbutterflies, if for some reason you want it, e-mail me. ^^  
  
Disclaimer: me only own the original characters and story… Takehiko Inoue owns SD characters, Jahnna N. Malcolm band name, and songs.  
  
Warnings: crossdressing. characters will probably be very OOC, as I don't really know a lot about them.  
  
-__- Sorry about that.  
  
  
  
Chapter Six  
  
  
  
Mitsui sighed as he rolled over in bed, wishing that he had never said 'yes' when Hanamichi wanted to stay over at his place temporarily. The redhead didn't want to return to Sendoh's apartment, where he was living. He didn't want to see his father, either, so he had begged Mitsui for a place to stay. Seeing that the idiot Iwas/I his Min-kun's brother and all, he said yes.  
  
CRASH!  
  
Mitsui groaned and pulled a pillow over his head. Now his phone machine was overflowing with messages from Sendoh, and he couldn't sleep because the redhead was either yelling at the phone, or at Sendoh (on the few rare occasions in which he picked up the phone), or throwing things at the phone. And Mitsui Hisashi's hope of having a good night's sleep was ruined.  
  
He pulled the pillow aside when he felt a stirring next to him. He opened his eyes to see Kiminobu sitting up. "What are you doing?" he asked.  
  
"Do you think Hanamichi's okay?" Kiminobu asked worriedly.  
  
"Yeah, he must be having a blast destroying my guest room," Mitsui muttered. "Go back to sleep; don't worry about him."  
  
"But…"  
  
Mitsui sat up and turned towards Kiminobu. He smiled at the sleepy look on Kiminobu's face, and suddenly all thoughts of getting sleep vanished. "Come here," he murmured, pulling the other boy closer, and lowered his head, taking Kiminobu's lips. Kiminobu gave a small smile and was about to respond to Mitsui's kiss, when…  
  
WHAM!  
  
"Take that, you freaking hentai!"  
  
Mitsui and Kiminobu froze. As Kiminobu sighed and started to pull away, Mitsui groaned. "I should have known not to let him come over," he muttered, rubbing his face.  
  
Kiminobu gave him a smile and said, "Well, it was really sweet of you to let him stay, especially when he's upset like this." He gave Mitsui a quick kiss and got off the bed, heading for the door. As he turned the doorknob, he said, "I'll see if I could calm him down."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Fujima and Rukawa stared up at the billboard advertisement in silence. Finally, Fujima spoke, "how does it feel to have such a . . . provocative . . . picture of yourself plastered here for everyone to see?"  
  
"…"  
  
He let a couple of minutes pass before taking his eyes off the billboard. He turned to look as his cousin, and asked softly, "do you still care about him?"  
  
"…"  
  
"Not in a talkative mood, huh?" Fujima sighed. "I think I might as well tell you this… I've been seeing someone." He thought about what he had just said, and it didn't seem to sound right. "Well… sort of."  
  
Rukawa just shrugged, and Fujima continued, "He's from Kainan." He watched the small flicker of comprehension in his cousin's eyes. "He works in a café, and he's really pure – in a good way, you know?" Fujima let out a small laugh. "I don't know why I'm messing up his life for, but I can't seem to help it. And the worst thing is… he doesn't even know who I am."  
  
He waited a moment for a response from Rukawa. Finding none, he muttered, "I don't think I have the right to mess up someone else's life the way I am."  
  
Rukawa shifted uncomfortably, still silent. After what seemed like a full ten minutes to Fujima, he said, "I don't know."  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"I don't know if I still care about him the same way."  
  
Fujima nodded. He looked back at the billboard. "How Idoes/I it feel?"  
  
"It's just a picture."  
  
Fujima smiled. "Of course it is." He stood up from the side of the road where they were sitting. "Well, I've got to go." He gave Rukawa a small wave and started to walk away. "Ja."  
  
Rukawa watched his cousin leave, and closed his eyes. "It's just a picture," he repeated in an almost-whisper.  
  
  
  
  
  
Sendoh slammed the phone down, after calling Mitsui's place for the In/Ith time. "Stupid," he muttered to no one in particular. He had expected Hanamichi to be mad, but not Ithis/I mad. The redhead was furious, and now he wasn't even speaking to Sendoh.  
  
/I didn't even do anything… promotional pictures are meant to promote, aren't they?/ He wondered if he should just wait until his boyfriend calmed down a bit – maybe a week or two – before trying to reason with him. He yawned, and reached for the stack of papers he was supposed to go through that day, but had neglected (mostly due to the ruckus created by Hanamichi).  
  
/Hana-chan…/ He smiled as he remembered the day. Thinking about how bad Hanamichi felt about the billboard, he started to feel a twinge of guilt. /Okay, maybe it Iwas/I a tad too much…/  
  
Shaking his thoughts away, Sendoh tried to focus on his work. It didn't work, though… images of Hanamichi kept floating about in his mind.  
  
Sighing, he put the papers down and reached for the phone again.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Hanamichi lay silently in the tiny bed in Mitsui's guestroom, having tired out from all the yelling and throwing. He had even resorted to banging his head against the walls, which had caused Mitsui to come in roaring at him to stop, or else. Good thing his brother was there to calm Mitsui down, Hanamichi thought drowsily.  
  
The phone rang again. Hanamichi shut his eyes tightly, willing it to stop.  
  
It's not really about the picture.  
  
Okay, maybe it was. Who wouldn't be mad if the same thing happened to them? Hanamichi couldn't even think of seeing his father, or Haruko, ever again. But the thing that he was mostly mad about was himself. Every time he saw the picture, he would remember the way Rukawa was looking at him when they were doing the shoot. And he would remember the party that he wished he never went to.  
  
/Why why why why why??/  
  
He was still asking himself the same question as he drifted off into sleep.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Jin whistled cheerfully as he cleaned the kitchen counters. Rei rolled her eyes, ignoring him. She was starting to really get worried about her brother. "Soi-kun.."  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"Look, I know that it's probably none of my business and all…"  
  
Jin smiled, and said, "Since have that stopped you from doing anything?"  
  
"This is about Kenji."  
  
Her brother didn't respond to that, but his smile disappeared. "You're right, it is none of your business," he said quietly.  
  
"Soichiro. What do you know about him? You don't even know his last name. How can you trust him?"  
  
He shook his head. "It doesn't matter," he said firmly. "He will tell me when he wants to. I know Ihim/I; that's enough." He wiped the last counter clean and kept his head down. But Rei had already seen the troubled look in his eyes.  
  
"Soichiro… you know I really care about you, don't you?"  
  
"Hn." He turned to give a small smile. "Daijoubu. I know how to take care of myself, contrary to your beliefs." But when Rei left, he was still there, thinking.  
  
/What do I know about him?/  
  
He knew that Kenji was as surprised at their sudden relationship as he was. He knew that Kenji had good friends who cared about him, and vice versa. He knew that Kenji worked in an office in Ryonan. He knew that Kenji would always promise to return soon, and instead come back to Serendipity in a week or two. He knew that sometimes he wasn't sure if Kenji really wanted to be with him or not. He knew that as long as Kenji was there, he would always feel like everything's all right. And that fact just overrules everything else.  
  
  
  
-tbc-  
  
*blinks* short, pointless chapter. Yes, again…. Can you say writer's block? (ah.. how I hate that phrase!)  
  
Black Rainbow  
  
Listening to: IBad Reputation/I by Letters to Cleo, and IThe Sun Is A Mass of Incandescent Gas/I by They Might Be Giants. And… IMediocrity Rules/I by Le Tigre. Over and over again…. :p  
  
Reading: The Rose and the Beast by Francesca Lia Block  
  
Feeling: sick 


	7. Chapter 7

Title: Secret Identity II  
  
Author: Black Rainbow  
  
Chapter: 7/?  
  
Status: on-going, quite unedited  
  
Genre: AU, yaoi  
  
Archive: pinkbutterflies, if for some reason you want it, e-mail me. ^^  
  
Disclaimer: me only own the original characters and story… Takehiko Inoue owns SD characters, Jahnna N. Malcolm band name, and songs.  
  
Warnings: crossdressing. characters will probably be very OOC, as I don't really know a lot about them.  
  
-__- Sorry about that.  
  
  
  
Chapter Seven  
  
(this chapter goes to everyone who's reading this! ^__^)  
  
  
  
Jin looked at the sleeping Fujima on his couch, and smiled. He yawned and walked towards his kitchen, and started to make sandwiches. That day had been a 'no-day' to them – just lazing around, watching television and talking and listening to CDs. Then Fujima fell asleep on the couch.  
  
He turned back to take another look at the sleeping figure. Fujima had seemed so tired lately, which troubled Jin. But the older boy would just smile at him and said that everything's all right. Jin sighed.  
  
As he watched Fujima sleep, he had realized one thing – he loved Fujima. /I love him like… watching spring for the first time. I love him like all the sunsets and sunrises combined. I love him like music that jolt through you from your spine to your fingertips. I love him like –/ he shook his head, discarding his thoughts. /What am I turning into?/ he wondered, smiling a little.  
  
Fujima, in the meanwhile, was slowly waking up. He could hear Jin at work in the kitchen and stirred a bit, feeling a stab of hunger. He wondered when was the last time he ate, and decided that it was probably yesterday. He sniffed the air to see if he could smell whatever it was Jin was making, but smelled nothing. He opened his eyes, to see Jin coming out of the kitchen, a plate of sandwiches in one hand.  
  
"You're awake."  
  
"Hmm," Fujima murmured, gladly taking one of the sandwiches and biting into it. "Thanks," he mumbled. Jin just looked at him. He shivered a bit, feeling that something was amiss. Something was different in Jin's expression. "Something wrong?" he managed, once he swallowed the sandwich.  
  
Jin shook his head. Inwardly, he sighed. /Does he feel the same way about me?/ he wondered. /He doesn't even trust me with his last name…/ Out loud, he blurted out, "I wrote a song." /Why did I say that?/ he asked himself. /Why do I feel compelled to tell him?/  
  
"Really?" Fujima immediately perked up, interested. "Play it for me."  
  
Jin hesitated. "Are you sure?"  
  
"Of course I'm sure." Fujima smiled delightedly. "I thought you only sang, and now I find out you write songs, too…"  
  
Blushing, Jin replied, "not very good ones… I just write to express myself."  
  
"Don't we all? Come on, just play it for me.."  
  
Jin gave a small, uncertain smile as he reached for his guitar. "Okay… just promise not to say anything until I'm done."  
  
"I promise," Fujima said solemnly, the sides of his lips quirking in amusement. As Jin started to play, his smile died.  
  
"IWell he looks at me with those innocent eyes  
  
I say it looks like you're wearing some kind of disguise  
  
Because your hair sticks up and your shoes are untied  
  
And I hope you got that shirt at half price../I" [1]  
  
As Jin continued singing, Fujima's felt like he had been zapped by something – he didn't know what it was, but it tingles in him, from his spine to his fingertips. One part of his mind was saying, /he's pretty good/, while another was uncomfortable, thinking, /this is too familiar../, and a third part wanted him to tell Jin who he was. And then there's this other part of him that just wanted to run away from everything, because he knew that he was losing control.  
  
/I love him like he has to be taken away from me at any moment, because, seriously, how can something like this exist for real?/ [2]  
  
"IWhy do you do what you do to me baby?  
  
Shaking my confidence, driving me crazy  
  
You know if I could, I'd do anything for you  
  
Just don't ignore me 'cause you know I adore you"/I  
  
Jin swallowed as he sang those words. /Will he know this is about him?/ he wondered. He watched the emotions that ran through Fujima's eyes closely, but he couldn't figure out what the other boy was thinking.  
  
"IAnd then he disappears for a week at a time  
  
And then he just shows up just like everything's fine  
  
And I don't get what goes on in his mind../I"  
  
Fujima blinked. He knew the song was about him, and he knew that it was wrong for him to do everything that he did with Jin. He had did everything wrong from the start – he had left Jin without even a note the morning after they met, he had kept who he was a secret, and he didn't even try to assuage whatever doubts the younger boy might have over their relationship. In fact, he didn't do anything. He just followed wherever Jin was taking him, and yet somehow he still held himself back, because he was afraid of losing everything too fast.  
  
"ICan't you just pretend to be nice  
  
Can you at least pretend to be nice  
  
If you could just pretend to be nice  
  
Everything in my life would be alright/I"  
  
As Jin's singing came to a halt, he looked tentatively at Fujima and slowly put his guitar down. His voice tremulous, he asked, "What do you think?"  
  
Fujima answered Jin by going to the sofa and closing the distance between them. "It's beautiful," he murmured. "And I'm sorry." He tugged Jin closer and kissed him, marveling at how easy it was to do so. The kiss, hot and yearning, sent both of them spinning, tingling with a sort of panicked excitement. Fujima lowered Jin onto the couch as the other boy gave a soft moan of pleasure. He ran his hands over Jin's body and his mouth left the other boy to nuzzle at the hollow of his neck.  
  
/I love you like kisses all over my body that last for hours/, he thought.  
  
  
  
  
  
Rukawa was bored. He sat alone in the almost empty living room, staring into space. He wondered if ennui was a good reason to get manic depression, and picked up a magazine nearby to read. After looking through it, he threw it back to where it came from. "Trash," he murmured. Then he noticed the page it had opened to as it fell – the gossip column. A picture of Fujima sharing a kiss with . . . someone . . . immediately grabbed his attention. He reached for the magazine again, and read the caption underneath. IFujima Kenji (Androgynous Zone drummer) sharing a tender moment in front of the train station. This must be a major blow to all the female fans!/I  
  
"K'so," Rukawa cursed. He turned to the magazine cover, and saw that it was a very recent issue. Rukawa wondered what Fujima would do when he finds out. Or if Mitsui (and maybe Sendoh) would go ballistic. He turned back to the gossip column and looked at the picture. /So this is who he was talking about…/  
  
The doorbell rang, startling him. Nobody ever visited him, not really. He threw the magazine aside again, and got up. When he reached the door, he could hear faint knocking. He opened the door a crack.  
  
"Kitsune?"  
  
He stared at the redhead in front of him. Hanamichi looked so nervous, and even fearful. Rukawa frowned. "What?"  
  
"Can I talk to you for a while?"  
  
Rukawa held the door open for Hanamichi to come in. Then he walked back to the living room, leaving Hanamichi behind. The redhead followed him. Not sitting down, Rukawa said, "talk."  
  
Hanamichi took a deep breath, and decided to stand, too. Sitting down while the kitsune was standing would only make him feel more… vulnerable. /What am I doing here?/ he wondered. Lowering his eyes, he mumbled, "it's about that party…" he glanced up at Rukawa, but the latter just stared back silently. Not knowing what else to say, he burst out, "Look, don't take it wrongly, but I'm with Akira, okay? You know that…"  
  
He saw a flash of emotion in Rukawa's eyes, but it disappeared fast. "Forget what I said that night."  
  
Hanamichi stared. "What?"  
  
"Forget it. I was drunk, I didn't know what made me say what I did."  
  
/Boy, he's talking an awful lot for Rukawa/, Hanamichi thought. He swallowed, and asked, "you mean you didn't mean what you said?"  
  
Silence.  
  
Hanamichi thought Rukawa was never going to answer, when he heard a soft, "No."  
  
His eyes widened. "You mean…"  
  
"I meant what I said. I like you, Hanamichi."  
  
Hanamichi blinked. Then blinked again. He couldn't believe the words he was hearing, and he couldn't believe that they were coming out of the Ikitsune/I's mouth. He did what he normally did in such a situation (not that the situation was a normal one for him!) – he panicked.  
  
"Well, you can't really like me, because we hate each other, right, Kitsune?" he started to blabber. "I mean, maybe you just Ithink/I you like me, but you really don't. I mean, maybe you're just jealous because of how Akira and I are together and stuff. Not that our relationship is something to be jealous about at this point," he muttered darkly, "but that's besides the point. The point is –" the rest of his words were muffled as Rukawa silenced him with a kiss.  
  
His mind went blank with shock. He shuddered as Rukawa's lips pressed harder against his, demanding a response. His hands came up, and he didn't know whether it was to pull Rukawa closer or to push him away. And he never did know, because they were interrupted by the sound of something crashing to the floor.  
  
The two of them jerked away and turned to the sound. Sendoh was staring back at them, his face blanched. At another time Hanamichi would find the expression on his face quite funny, but not at the moment. At the moment he was wondering why it was happening. It's just so cliché, being found by your boyfriend while you were being kissed by someone you had always thought of as nothing but a rival. It's just so cliché, but it still hurts. On all parts.  
  
Sendoh recovered faster than the two of them, plastering a strange smile over his face. "Sorry to interrupt you," he murmured. "I was looking for Hana-c – Hanamichi, and Mitsui said that you were heading towards Rukawa's." He gave a short, bitter laugh. "I brought you the new guitar you said you wanted, but I dropped it." He looked at the guitar lying on the floor. It wasn't broken.  
  
"Dammit, Akira," Hanamichi said, his eyes narrowing. " Can't you be serious for once? Why aren't you yelling at me? Why aren't you demanding explanations from us? Because it's not what it looks like, it's –"  
  
Sendoh blinked a couple of times and shook his head. "No," he murmured. "I think I know what's going on." He turned and left, walking steadily out of the house. Hanamichi could only stare. /Too fast/, he thought. /Everything is too fast. I feel like I've been steamrollered by fate./ He turned to Rukawa.  
  
"What the fuck was that about?" he demanded angrily.  
  
Rukawa shrugged. "You were blabbering like an idiot. I stopped you."  
  
Hanamichi laughed, almost hysterically. "I can't believe you, you know that?" He shook his head. "Just like you to appear so detached after all that's happened. You really do have no feelings, don't you?" He stormed out of the house after Sendoh, not seeing the hurt and pain that flashed through Rukawa's eyes.  
  
-tsuzuku-  
  
[1] Pretend To Be Nice, by Letters To Cleo. This song was also in the Josie and the Pussycats movie. I was downloading some Letters To Cleo songs, and when I heard this, I immediately thought of this fic, so I had to put it in the fic some way or another… ^__^ I imagine the version in this fic the way Low Key (a band in college) sings it – kinda slower and more grungy..  
  
[2] roughly paraphrased from Francesca Lia Block. :)  
  
I think everyone is rather OOC, don't you? =P umm… I think I went all mushy on the FujiJin in this part. Beg your pardons..  
  
Maybe this chapter is a bit rushed, but I couldn't help it… ^^ Reading Francesca Lia Block sort of does that to me… but enjoyed writing it, so that should amount to something, right? *grins* 


	8. Chapter 8

Title: Secret Identity II  
  
Author: Black Rainbow  
  
Chapter: 8/?  
  
Status: on-going, quite unedited  
  
Genre: AU, yaoi  
  
Archive: pinkbutterflies, if for some reason you want it, e-mail me. ^^  
  
Disclaimer: me only own the original characters and story… Takehiko Inoue owns SD characters, Jahnna N. Malcolm band name, and songs.  
  
Warnings: crossdressing. characters will probably be very OOC, as I don't really know a lot about them.  
  
-__- Sorry about that.  
  
  
  
Chapter Eight  
  
  
  
"Akira!"  
  
Hanamichi ran after Sendoh the moment he walked out of Rukawa's house. He was afraid of not being able to catch up, so he started sprinting really fast. But the drumming he heard in his ears and the painful beats in his chest had nothing to do with running.  
  
He didn't really 'catch up with' Sendoh. He ran right into him, sending both of them sprawling on the ground, Hanamichi on top of Sendoh. Nobody said anything, both of them too shocked at the impact of the fall.  
  
Then Hanamichi realized where he was. Deciding to take advantage of the situation, he raised his lips to touch Sendoh's neck. "Akira.." he murmured in a whisper. His voice sounded scratchy and alien to him. He had never been so scared in his life. "Please don't leave." He felt the other boy shudder and became still.  
  
"Hanamichi..."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Get off me."  
  
"Oh." Hanamichi got up slowly and sat on the ground. He watched as Sendoh got up to his knees - quite painfully - and turned towards him. He swallowed as Sendoh hands raised to touch his face gently.  
  
"Akira...?"  
  
Sendoh just looked quietly at Hanamichi, his hands still on Hanamichi's face as he lowered his head to place a soft kiss on Hanamichi's lips. It was the gentlest kiss Hanamichi had ever felt - all he could think about was was the way raindrops fall on velvety rose petals. He wanted to pull Sendoh closer; he had never craved for Sendoh's warmth as he did at that moment, but Sendoh had already pulled away from him, his eyes still on Hanamichi's. His eyes looked bleak, and Hanamichi's heart started to race again in panic.  
  
"If you want Rukawa, Hanamichi... I won't stop you." With those words, Sendoh got up to his feet and started to walk away. Hanamichi couldn't react. He was too surprised. When he finally got up to his own feet and started after Sendoh again, he could see the spiky headed boy disappear into a cab.  
  
Hanamichi stopped. His fingers went up to his own face, still feeling warm where Sendoh had touched him. But when his fingers touched his cheeks, he could feel dampness.  
  
  
  
  
  
Fujima sighed contentedly as he slowly opened his eyes. He pushed away the comforter covering him and sat up. He looked to his right, to find that he was alone in bed. He rubbed his eyes.  
  
  
  
*flashback*  
  
Fujima lowered Jin onto the couch as the other boy gave a soft moan of pleasure. He ran his hands over Jin's body and his mouth left the other boy to nuzzle at the hollow of his neck.  
  
/I love you like kisses all over my body that last for hours/, he thought.  
  
Jin found that having Fujima pressed so tightly against him, fluttering kisses all over him, was too much for his self-control. Desire welled inside him, and he tried to shift so that he could breath a lot easier. Fujima just pushed him back and kissed him again, only one coherent thought in his mind. Meanwhile, Jin had a sudden picture of Rei coming into the house and finding them like that, and he broke the kiss. "Room," he gasped. "My room."  
  
Fujima nodded and got up, pulling Jin with him.  
  
*end flashback*  
  
  
  
Deciding to look for Jin, Fujima got out of bed and headed to the door. He opened it and peered outside. "Soichiro?" he asked softly. But the small apartment was empty.  
  
"Soichiro?" he asked again.  
  
No answer.  
  
/Maybe he went out for awhile/, Fujima thought, slightly disappointed. /Just when I wanted to tell him…/  
  
"I love him," he completed his thoughts out loud. He smiled to himself, repeating the words. "I love him." He laughed softly, and he couldn't believe that he had been too dense to figure it out before. "I love him."  
  
/I guess I should tell him the truth about me, too…/  
  
That was when he noticed the spiral-bound notebook on Jin's desk. It was an A4 size notebook; the cover is green with a silver star in the middle. He stared at it, surprise. /My notebook… I must have left it here at some time or another…/ Fujima reached out for it, wondering when was the last time he wrote in it. He flipped the pages open until he saw the song he was working on.  
  
Don't say the word  
  
If you don't want it done  
  
Don't tell me your name  
  
If you don't want it sung  
  
Don't come any closer  
  
That's good enough  
  
Don't go away  
  
Can't stand the thought  
  
It's too good  
  
Inside your hands  
  
It's too hot  
  
It's too cold  
  
It's just that when you touch me  
  
I cannot stand up  
  
I fell into  
  
I fell down  
  
That was where he had left off as far as he could remember. But underneath the words he wrote, were new verses, scrawled in handwriting that wasn't his. It was rounded and angelic, but slightly messy because whoever wrote it, wrote it in a rush. Fujima frowned.  
  
Why can't you tell me  
  
Is it worth the fight?  
  
Do I sound crazy  
  
Well, I just might  
  
Why do your words  
  
Have to ring so false?  
  
Why do your eyes  
  
have to change so much?  
  
It's too warm  
  
Inside your hands  
  
It's too hot  
  
It's too cold  
  
It's just that when you touch me  
  
I cannot stand up  
  
I fell into  
  
I fell down [1]  
  
"Soichiro…" Fujima murmured softly. /So he knows…/  
  
The bedroom door creaked as it opened fractionally. Fujima turned, startled. Jin was looking at him somberly, his face slightly pale. His eyes seemed to have a strange shine to them, as if they contained… /tears/, Fujima thought.  
  
"Soichiro? What happened?" he asked, worried.  
  
Jin just looked at him, and then at his notebook. "I wrote that this morning," he said quietly.  
  
"When… when did you find out?"  
  
"Last night."  
  
"How?"  
  
Silence.  
  
  
  
*flashback*  
  
Jin stared at the sleeping Fujima, half-content, half-agitated. Content because of how happy he felt whenever Fujima was around. Agitated because he was in love, and couldn't even come up with the courage to say so.  
  
The phone rang.  
  
Picking it up unhurriedly, he murmured a soft hello, wondering who would call him so late at night.  
  
"Soi-kun!"  
  
He smiled at the familiar female voice. Of course it would be Himiko. Who else? The girl was used to staying up whole nights and sleeping in the day, because of the hours her band plays, and seemed to think that everyone in the world shares her sleeping habits. "What's up?" he asked.  
  
"You didn't tell me that you and Kenji are going steady now!" she said in a teasing voice.  
  
"How did you know?" he asked, surprised.  
  
"Anika saw a picture of you in a magazine or something, and she told me." When Jin remained quiet (wondering why would a picture of him be in a magazine), she continued consolingly, "If you're going out with someone as popular as Fujima Kenji, you'd have to expect something like that to happen sometime or another."  
  
Jin didn't really hear her beyond the words "as popular as Fujima Kenji." He had tuned out; his mind had gone completely blank except for those words. Meanwhile, Himiko just kept on talking. After a couple of minutes, she realized he wasn't responding, and fell into silence.  
  
Finally, Jin shook himself mentally and asked her, "what magazine?"  
  
*end flashback*  
  
  
  
"Soichiro… how did you find out?"  
  
Jin remained quiet, but his hands came up to show Fujima what he was holding. He held the magazine open to the gossip column, so that Fujima could see their picture there.  
  
Fujima stared at it for a whole minute.  
  
"Oh," was all he could say. He closed his eyes, wishing that everything had been a dream, and that he could wake up. "Oh."  
  
  
  
- tsuzuku -  
  
[1] song is "turn it on" by sleater-kinney  
  
black rainbow: can someone please please please send me a new muse??? I've lost control on this fic!!!!  
  
baka muse: *evil cackles* the fic is MINE!!!! 


	9. Chapter 9

Title: Secret Identity II  
  
Author: Black Rainbow  
  
Chapter: 9/?  
  
Status: on-going, quite unedited  
  
Genre: AU, yaoi  
  
Archive: pinkbutterflies, if for some reason you want it, e-mail me. ^^  
  
Disclaimer: me only own the original characters and story… Takehiko Inoue owns SD characters, Jahnna N. Malcolm band name, and songs.  
  
Warnings: crossdressing. characters will probably be very OOC, as I don't really know a lot about them.  
  
-__- Sorry about that.  
  
  
  
Chapter Nine  
  
  
  
DAY  
  
"How long were going to lie to me?" Jin asked quietly.  
  
Fujima reopened his eyes, and took a deep breath. "I was going to tell you… today," he answered softly. The two boys stared at each other in silence. Both didn't know what to do.  
  
Jin was the first to look away. "Maybe you should go," he whispered.  
  
Fujima wanted to shakes his head no, but then he thought better of it. Maybe he should give Jin sometime to think about things, or to cool down, or something. He sighed. Jin stepped aside when Fujima passed him as he walked out the door. "But I'm coming back," he told Jin.  
  
He grabbed his orange backpack that was still on the couch outside, and left.  
  
  
  
  
  
As he stepped out of the Ryonan train station, Fujima caught sight of a familiar redheaded, tall figure. "Hanamichi!" he called out. Hanamichi looked up from the ground he was staring at in surprise, and offered him a small smile. Fujima walked towards the younger boy.  
  
"Where were you from?"  
  
"Shohoku."  
  
"You went home?"  
  
"No."  
  
Fujima saw the look in Hanamichi's eyes. "What's wrong?"  
  
"I don't know what to do!" the redhead burst out. He sat down at the side of the road and started telling Fujima everything that happened. Fujima sat next to him. When Hanamichi finished, Fujima was quiet.  
  
"What should I do?" Hanamichi asked him desperately. "I know you're older and more experienced in love and all…"  
  
Fujima snorted. "This morning I was going to tell my boyfriend I love him and he told me to leave. Does this qualify me to advise you?"  
  
Sakuragi thought about it, and compared it to his own situation. "Oh, yeah, definitely." [1]  
  
Fujima just shook his head at that. He thought about everything that happened since he met Jin, and he thought about Hanamichi's problem with Sendoh and Rukawa. /Man… all of us are really fucked up, aren't we?/ He smiled wryly at the thought.  
  
"Uh… Kenji?" Hanamichi's hands was waving frantically in front of his face. "Are you okay? Can you see me?"  
  
Fujima pushed Hanamichi's hands away. "I'm not that gone yet, baka," he muttered.  
  
Normally Hanamichi would've headbutted anyone who called him that, but as it was not a normal day, he just hugged his knees and asked softly, "Wanna talk about it?"  
  
"It's kind of a long story."  
  
"I've got time," Hanamichi said lightly.  
  
So Fujima told Hanamichi about Jin – everything since he found Serendipity until what happened that morning. Hanamichi listened with wide eyes. "All of this have been going on… and none of us know?"  
  
"Rukawa knows a bit," Fujima said, instantly regretting it. At the mention of Rukawa's name, Hanamichi's eyes darkened with anger.  
  
"I'm going to kill that fox," he muttered. "I swear, I'm going to –"  
  
"Hanamichi," Fujima interrupted quickly. "Do you really think it was totally his fault?"  
  
"But he –"  
  
"I mean, did you tell Sendoh anything after the party? You left Sendoh first – you were living with Mitsui and Kogure, weren't you?"  
  
"That was because of the billboard thing," Hanamichi muttered. "I was mad at him because of the new single, which is why I went off to the party without him… and the billboard thing…" he blushed slightly, thinking of the billboard. "I wasn't talking to him because of that."  
  
"Yeah, but maybe…" Fujima said slowly, "Maybe… it's not all about Rukawa, you know."  
  
"No," Hanamichi insisted. "That was just a stupid argument. We always have that. But –"  
  
He was interrupted by a voice calling out loudly and cheerfully. "Fujima! Hanamichi!"  
  
Both turned to see Kiminobu running up to them, a smile on his face. As one of his hands was clutching Mitsui's, the other boy had to run with him. From his expression, Fujima could easily deduce that unlike Kiminobu, Mitsui wasn't all that happy to see them. "Hi," he said to them. "What are you doing here?"  
  
"Oh, I think Hisashi-kun needed to get out more; he's turning into a grump, isn't he?" Kiminobu answered in a joking manner, his eyes twinkling. Fujima and Hanamichi couldn't help but smile back – it was assuring to know that at least one of them was happy. Even Mitsui's expression softened when he looked at Kiminobu.  
  
"Actually, we're picking up some equipment I ordered," Mitsui said. "Trust Min-kun to turn it into a date." Glancing at Hanamichi, he asked, "What did you do to Sendoh, by the way? The guy was scary at the studio. He said to remind you guys to make sure we're ready for the tour, and that he's not going to go after all or something…" Mitsui drifted off as Kiminobu tugged on his hand repeatedly. He looked at Hanamichi. The redhead's eyes had gone wide and his face sort of … blank, when he heard Sendoh's name. "Hana?" Mitsui asked softly. "You okay?"  
  
"It's okay," Fujima told Mitsui and Kiminobu. "You guys go pick up equipment, or whatever it is you're doing… I can handle it." He looked at Mitsui in the eye, and Mitsui gave a quick nod before walking away, pulling Kiminobu with him.  
  
Fujima turned to Hanamichi. "Hana…" Hanamichi shook his head, which silenced Fujima. He didn't know what else to say. Everything had gone wrong lately. He just stared at his shoes, until he could make out patterns from all the dried mud and dirt.  
  
"Remember…" Hanamichi suddenly said, jolting Fujima from his shoe-staring activity, "Do you remember that night, when I was still in the third year in high school, and you and me and Youhei and kitsune and Mitsui and Oniichan went out to Osaka for the first time, because Souled Out [2] was playing at this festival?"  
  
Fujima smiled at the memory. "I remember… we were so good… that night was a success, and we were all so elated…" That was the first time they thought that they could make it to the top, if they wanted to.  
  
"And afterwards… all of us crammed into this tiny car Youhei just got… and went off to get piss drunk…" Hanamichi laughed. "Mitsui was so drunk he couldn't even stand," he murmured. "Oniichan had to take care of him; he was puking everywhere…"  
  
"That was the night they got together, wasn't it?"  
  
"Hn. And… I remember, you and Rukawa were both really stoned, too… and you were dancing with that guy…" Hanamichi laughed as Fujima turned red at the memory.  
  
"Shut up," the older boy muttered, but he didn't have to.  
  
Hanamichi was suddenly solemn, and he looked wistful as he said, "we were so happy then." He turned to Fujima and asked, "Why couldn't everything just stay that way?"  
  
Fujima was quiet. Hanamichi's voice came out small, like a child's. "Because we wanted more than just a gig at a festival or two. We wanted magazine covers, tours, the whole nine yards. So now everything is complicated, because we made it that way." When he spoke again, his smile was tinged with sadness. "We're going to be famous, remember?"  
  
  
  
  
  
NIGHT  
  
"Take off the dress, take off the face  
  
I'll hold you close, before I leave…"  
  
The crowd cheered enthusiastically as the beat slowed down, and Hana's voice met with Rukawa's for the bridge, low and slightly mournful.  
  
"Oh you've got the darkest eyes  
  
Oh you've got the darkest eyes  
  
… don't say another word…  
  
'bout the other girl…  
  
don't say another word.." [3]  
  
When the song ended, Rukawa felt a rush of pleasure as crowd's screams went louder. He missed playing live. He watched as Hana smiled cheekily at the crowd and murmured into the microphone, "This is the last night we're playing here for awhile… because we're going on tour soon…" Hana continued to psyche the crowd up about the tour, before announcing the next song. "This next song we're playing was written this afternoon. So, please bear with us, okay? The lyrics aren't even all that complete yet. It's about a girl who got dumped."  
  
"Hana just got dumped," Mitsui quipped loudly. Rukawa looked at him sharply; his heart almost stopped when he heard that, and filled with hope, before he looked at Hana. Hana was obviously upset. He was having a hard time keeping his smile as he continued his introduction. Rukawa felt like going over and holding him. /But he doesn't want you…/ he remembered.  
  
The crowd just became louder, oblivious, as Hana gave a rather strained grin and continued, "It's called 'A Fool Like Me.'" [4]  
  
The song was a hit with the audience. It was sad, slightly angry, and mostly self-deprecating. And despite what Hana said, the lyrics were actually very articulate.  
  
In the crowd, Rukawa could make out a boy dancing. It wasn't the fact that he was dancing that stood out. It was how he looked. His eyes would occasionally meet Rukawa's as he danced to the music. /The darkest eyes…/ Rukawa thought, as he sang. The boy's body was thin and wiry, his moves graceful and confident. He was tall, taller than anyone else in the crowd that night.  
  
  
  
  
  
Outside, Sendoh Akira was leaning against the wall at the entrance of Lost Souls?. He closed his eyes as he heard Hana's voice over the crowd's screams. /A fool like me/, he thought. /What happened to your 'ore wa tensai', Hana?/  
  
He straightened and shook his head slightly. /I was right about one thing… Androgynous Zone has a great future./  
  
  
  
- tsuzuku -  
  
[1] reference to: Empire Records, the best movie ever!  
  
[2] for those who don't remember… Souled Out was the band's name before they changed it to Androgynous Zone…. ^^  
  
[3] One More Hour, sleater-kinney  
  
[4] this song actually exists; unfortunately, I don't remember the lyrics. I heard it at a girl bands get-together thing recently… the band that played this song is called 'intoxicated'  
  
black rainbow: I have 10 mosquito bites on my left shoulder! :p Anyway, yes, another short chapter…. Which is hopefully not pointless (I dunno, to me, I think I'm just rambling here…) but… at least it's not a long wait, ne?  
  
C&Cs are very welcome, as usual! ^______^  
  
Black Rainbow  
  
http://angelfire.com/zine2/effoff/slamdunk.html  
  
listening to: 'who made who', ac/dc  
  
reading: I just woke up. I'm not reading anything yet.  
  
Feeling: sleepy. 


	10. Chapter 10

Title: Secret Identity II  
  
Author: Black Rainbow  
  
Chapter: 10/?  
  
Status: on-going, unedited  
  
Genre: AU, yaoi  
  
Archive: pinkbutterflies, if for some reason you want it, e-mail me. ^^  
  
Disclaimer: me only own the original characters and story… Takehiko Inoue owns SD characters, Jahnna N. Malcolm band name, and songs.  
  
Warnings: crossdressing. characters will probably be very OOC, as I don't really know a lot about them.  
  
-__- Sorry about that.  
  
  
  
Chapter Ten  
  
  
  
"Sing me to sleep  
  
Sing me to sleep  
  
I don't want to wake up  
  
On my own anymore" [1]  
  
As soon as Hana finished the song, he murmured good night to the crowd shouting for an encore, and left the stage. The rest of Androgynous Zone followed suit, wondering if he was okay. Backstage, people were crowding to congratulate Androgynous Zone for the show, and for the upcoming concert, or just to talk. Hana ignored all of them, even Kiminobu, who was waiting backstage for him.  
  
"Hana," Kiminobu said, softly. "Hana."  
  
Hana just looked up blankly and smiled at his brother. "What is it?"  
  
"Are you okay?" Kiminobu's eyes looked wide and full of anxiety. Hana just handed his guitar to his brother and walked past Kiminobu. "Hana!" Kiminobu called out, but Hana just continued walking.  
  
As Mitsui, Fujima, and Rukawa entered the backstage area, everyone swarmed around them, now wanting to ask about Hana's well being as well. Fujima just sighed and resigned himself to answering questions from everyone, while Mitsui rushed to find Kiminobu, and Rukawa went to the dressing room to find a decent place to sleep.  
  
Hana meant to go straight to the dressing room to change, and then head out to another club or something. Except that he saw something that made him stop, and forget – a tall, familiar silhouette walking towards the small office at the back area of the club.  
  
/Akira./  
  
Hana followed the figure quickly, almost tripping over his skirt twice. /Stupid things/, he thought, as he headed towards Sendoh's office. /Why can't people wear more sensible things?/ By the time he reached Sendoh's office, his heart was beating heavily in apprehension. He slowly turned the doorknob, and opened the door.  
  
Sendoh was talking to another guy, who had to be the tallest person Hana had ever seen. Hana stared for a while. /He must even be taller than Haruko's brother!/ he thought, before realizing that both Sendoh and the other guy were looking at him expectantly.  
  
"Is there anything you want, Hana?" Sendoh asked. Hana just blinked a couple of times, unused to Sendoh speaking to him so brusquely. His eyes smarted, and he swallowed.  
  
"Um," he said, in a small voice. "Um. Can I talk to you for a while?"  
  
"I'm sort of busy right –"  
  
"That's okay," the other man said smoothly. "I was just telling Sendoh-san about how good you were today."  
  
"You saw us play?"  
  
"Hai. Your new song, what was it called? A Fool Like Me? It's excellent." He smiled at Hana, and extended a hand. "Hi, I'm Hanagata Toru."  
  
"Miyamoto Hana," Hana said, shaking Hanagata's hands. "Hanagata… aren't you –"  
  
"Hanagata is representing DO, one of the regular bands that play in *crush. Well, used to. We're offering his band a chance to open for Androgynous Zone for the concert, so he'll be touring with you. Didn't you have something you want to talk about or something?" Sendoh sounded irritated, like he couldn't wait to get back to work. Hana began to feel smaller inside, like his heart had shrunk or something. Hanagata said his goodbyes and shot a curious look at the two of them before he left.  
  
"Akira?" Hana spoke softly. "I –" he stopped. He didn't know what to say. He had wanted to apologize, to explain, but Sendoh didn't look like he wanted to listen to any apologies of explanation. He only looked… impatient. /Like he didn't care/, Hana thought, feeling the steady ache in his chest grow. /Maybe he never really cared. Maybe he was just using me. Maybe that's why he gave up so easily./ "I…"  
  
"I don't have all night, you know," Sendoh said. Hanamichi blinked the tears that threatened to come. His heart was beating so fast breathing had become a difficulty. This was mostly due to the fact that they were standing close to each other, and all he wanted to do was to wrap his arms around Sendoh and cry. Or just be quiet.  
  
But he was afraid that Sendoh would push him away. He shook his head. "I…" he tried again.  
  
"Dammit, can't you just –"  
  
Hana snapped. He threw himself at Sendoh, and when he felt the other boy stiffen, he just tightened his arms around Sendoh, burying his face in his neck. "Please don't leave me," he whispered. "Akira, please don't leave me…"  
  
"Hana…"  
  
Sendoh's voice was edgy, and laced with pain. He barked out a short, bitter laugh. "You don't have to do this anymore…" He tried to unwrap Hana's hold on him, but Hana wouldn't let go. So he did the only other thing he could think of to do at the moment.  
  
He lowered his head and his lips found Hana's.  
  
This time his kiss wasn't as gentle as the last one. It was almost an assault of his need and pain. Hana just shuddered, and closed his eyes, feeling Sendoh's lips, hard and hot, on his. Later, the kiss gentled, but only a fraction, as Hana opened his mouth to Sendoh's. At that moment, Hana was in bliss. He needed Sendoh's warmth. He needed Sendoh's arms around him, Sendoh's lips crushed against his, their body pressed close.  
  
When Sendoh finally broke the kiss, Hana held on to him, and leaned against Sendoh. "I love you," he whispered softly.  
  
Sendoh closed his eyes, and asked achingly, "Do you, really?"  
  
Hana stiffened, and pulled away. "What do you mean?"  
  
"I don't want you to be with me just because of who I am, Hana. I mean, I know Androgynous Zone will make it big, and I will be there for the band throughout the whole process, but you don't have to… you don't have to pretend to be in love with me, if you're not."  
  
"What?" Hana stared at Sendoh, incredulous. "What gave you the idea that I was pretending?"  
  
"If you love Rukawa…"  
  
Hana's eyes narrowed. The tenderness he was feeling earlier ebbed away, as a new anger rose in him. "Can't you shut up about that baka kitsune already? I don't love him!" He glared. "So, he likes me. It's not my fault, and it's not his either. I mean, no one can resist the tensai, right? You can't – you can't just give up on me just because of that. I can't believe this!" Frustrated, he walked over to bang his head against the hard wooden office desk. Sendoh winced, but Hana didn't seem affected at all. He stood up continued rambling. "I thought you didn't love me at all, because you left me so easily. How could you do that? How could you -" the rest of his words were muffled as Sendoh's mouth covered his own in another kiss. He sighed when Sendoh pulled away.  
  
Resting his forehead against Hanamichi's, Sendoh murmured. "I love you, Hana. Don't ever doubt that." He was going to kiss Hana again, when the door to his office burst open. "What now…" he groaned.  
  
"Sendoh! We have to find Hana! He was looking really upset…" Fujima slowed down to a stop, when he saw Hana in Sendoh's embrace. "Oh," he said, embarrassed. "Um… sorry to interrupt."  
  
Hana grinned. "It's okay. What took you so long?"  
  
"Did you notice the amount of people backstage? I swear, I almost couldn't breathe, it was too packed. And everyone's asking the same questions… 'when are you going for the tour?' 'do you know which band is taking up your slot in Lost Souls?' 'Is Hana okay?'" Fujima listed, making a face at the last one. "Well, as you obviously are…"  
  
"Where are the others?" Sendoh asked, amused.  
  
"All left me there to die in the crowd," Fujima muttered. "Ungrateful bastards…"  
  
"Let's all go out tonight!" Hana suddenly said, getting excited. "Kenji, it will be like the old times, except, of course, Youhei is not here and Akira is instead, but…" he gave the older boy a pleading look. "Let's all go out! In fact, lets take a long drive to Osaka[2] again; maybe we could visit Youhei or something."  
  
"That's a long drive, Hanamichi."  
  
"We can crash at his place or something! Come on, it will be fun…" he beamed. "Something for all of us to do before the tour…"  
  
Sendoh smiled at him, catching on to Hana's enthusiasm. "Well… I guess it's okay…" he said slowly. He was rewarded by a kiss from Hana, and Fujima coughed.  
  
Pulling away, Hana said, "Right," with a red face. "Guess I was overenthusiastic about the whole thing, huh?"  
  
"Oh, I didn't mind," Sendoh murmured with a smile.  
  
"Baka! I wasn't talking to you!" Hana looked down at himself. "I guess I should change into my normal clothes first. Fujima, you go find the kitsune and wake him up first. Then look for my brother and Micchy." He looked at Sendoh. "You can look for Hanagata. I think we should invite him and get to know him better so we get along during the tour, ne?"  
  
He remembered Hanagata from the crowd [3], and he remembered that the guy only had eyes for the kitsune. /Maybe I should play cupid or something/, he thought impishly as he walked towards the dressing room. /Then he would leave me and Sendoh alone…/  
  
  
  
  
  
He didn't know what to feel. He was happy that Sendoh and Hanamichi made up, obviously, and was even slightly excited about all of them going off together like they used to. But he could only think of Jin. /I wonder how he's doing…/  
  
He found Kaede first. The raven-haired boy was sleeping next to his guitar, in a sitting position with his back against the wall. Fujima smiled softly when he looked at his cousin, knowing what Kaede must be feeling at the moment. Pain over the fact that he never had Hanamichi, guilt over making Sendoh break up with the redhead and causing Hanamichi to be so upset, and probably a lot more things that Fujima would never know about. "No one knows what goes on inside you, do they?" he murmured, nearing his cousin.  
  
He gave Rukawa a sharp poke at the sides. "Kaede. Hey, Kaede..."  
  
Rukawa stirred, and opened his eyes sleepily. "What do you want?" he growled, forgetting to hit Fujima. Meanwhile, Fujima was feeling foolish, with his arms raised above his head to protect himself from the blow that didn't come. He lowered his arms.  
  
"Um... we're going to Osaka. All of us. For fun. Wanna come?"  
  
Rukawa grunted, and got up. Fujima took that as a yes. "Just meet us at Sendoh's office, okay? I have to go look for Mitsui and Kiminobu now."  
  
"Toilet," Rukawa grunted, still rubbing away the sleep from his eyes.  
  
"Nani?"  
  
"They're in the toilet. I heard them."  
  
"Okay, thanks," Fujima said, confused. /What did he mean, he heard them?/ He walked out of the dressing room and towards the toilets, and he realized what Rukawa meant. From one of the stalls, he could hear stifled moans and sighs. His eyes widened, realizing what Mitsui and Kiminobu were doing, if it were indeed Mitsui and Kiminobu in the toilet.  
  
/Oh god, I am in hell…/ he thought, thinking about how pissed Mitsui would be if he interrupted them. He looked around. The toilet stalls were empty save for one. Silently cursing Hanamichi for making him get everyone together, he raised his hands and rapped the door sharply, and waited.  
  
In a couple of minutes the door opened, and a very flushed, disheveled Kiminobu came out of the toilet stall. His face became redder when he saw Fujima looking at Mitsui, who came out after him. "We're going to Osaka," Fujima told them, looking at the floor, feeling stupid for interrupting them just because Hanamichi had a whim. "You guys wanna come?"  
  
Mitsui raised his eyebrows. "Whose idea is this?"  
  
"Hana."  
  
"Figures." He rolled his eyes. "You do know that it's a long drive, right?"  
  
"We're probably staying over at Youhei's – you remember him, right? Hanamichi's friend?"  
  
"Oh, yeah…" Mitsui looked at Kiminobu. "You want to go?"  
  
"As long as I don't have to carry you back home…" Kiminobu answered with a smile, at which Mitsui replied with an indignant look as Fujima forced a grin. He felt a sharp tug of pain and envy in him when he saw how much Mitsui and Kiminobu cared for each other.  
  
/Soichiro…/  
  
  
  
  
  
Jin lay hugging himself in his bed, singing himself to sleep. Rei had come over and brought him food, but he couldn't eat. His sister didn't ask what happened; she didn't need to. She could see it in his eyes. At least parts of it. She didn't say 'I told you so', like he thought she would, though. She just kissed his forehead and said everything was going to turn out fine.  
  
He sighed, thinking about Kenji. Was Kenji really going to tell him everything that day, or was he just saying that because his secret was out? He remembered telling Kenji about the Androgynous Zone demo that Himiko gave him, and about how much he loved it. /It must have been so funny for him/, Jin thought now, /I must have sounded so stupid to him… what if… what if he was just playing with me?/  
  
He blinked back the tears burning in his eyes, and wished that he never found out. /They were right when they said ignorance is bliss…/ To find out right after he realized he loved Kenji made the shock even worse for him. /I could've ignored the phone call…/ he thought again. /If I ignored it… I wouldn't have known… I would've woken up in his arms…/  
  
Sing me to sleep  
  
Sing me to sleep  
  
I don't want to wake up  
  
On my own anymore  
  
  
  
  
  
-tsuzuku-  
  
[1] 'asleep' by the smiths… the paragraph at the ending too, because it's the same paragraph, hee hee… ^^  
  
[2] I dunno how far Osaka is from Kanagawa… but… oh, well… ^^  
  
[3] no, I did not INTEND to make that guy Hanagata when I was writing the previous chapter, but now I'm thinking, what the heck, it's convenient, y'know? ^____^ 


	11. Chapter 11

Title: Secret Identity II  
  
Author: Black Rainbow  
  
Chapter: 11/?  
  
Status: on-going, unedited  
  
Genre: AU, yaoi  
  
Archive: http://moonflower.tk, sdbc, fanfiction.net. if for some reason you want it, e-mail me. ^^  
  
Disclaimer: me only own the original characters and story… Takehiko Inoue owns SD characters, Jahnna N. Malcolm band name, and songs.  
  
Warnings: crossdressing. characters will probably be very OOC, as I don't really know a lot about them.  
  
-__- Sorry about that.  
  
  
  
Chapter Eleven  
  
  
  
"Man, you should have seen me when I entered the record store down the street and saw your Sin single for the first time. First of all, I mean, knowing it was YOU, and that picture…" Hanamichi was growing red at his best friend's words. "It was a good single, anyway," Mito said hurriedly. "What did you do when you first saw the billboard?"  
  
"Let's see... the first time I drove by it, I went into shock and almost ran into this Toyota in front of me. Then I pulled over and stared at it until Oniichan came to pick me up," Hanamichi confessed. "The moment we reached Akira's office, I was yelling -"  
  
"- and throwing CDs at me," Sendoh supplied cheerfully, earning himself a dirty look from Hanamichi.  
  
Out of the corner of his eye, Fujima noticed Rukawa getting up and walking away. He frowned, and wanted to go after his cousin, but decided to let Rukawa have his privacy. He looked around the table. Hanamichi was still talking animatedly to Youhei and Sendoh, with Mitsui interrupting them now and then. Kiminobu was doodling on his paper napkin. Hanagata was listening to Hanamichi, but he glanced at the direction Rukawa had disappeared to, a thoughtful look in his eyes. After a couple of minutes passed, Hanagata stood up and left, excusing himself politely.  
  
  
  
  
  
Hanagata walked up to the stairs that led to the second floor of the club. Downstairs, the club was all bright lights and sweat and smoke. Above, it was darker and more subdued. He looked around a bit before spotting Rukawa smoking in a corner. He was sitting on a large sofa that had a big television in front of it, but he seemed to be staring into space rather than watching tv. He didn't even look up when Hanagata walked over and sat next to him.  
  
"Hi," Hanagata murmured. Rukawa just nodded shortly to acknowledge his presence, and flicked his cigarette before taking another drag. "I really like the bass lick you write in Toy," Hanagata told him.  
  
Rukawa just nodded again. He stared at his cigarette for a couple of seconds before putting it out. He suddenly found himself thirsty for another drink, but he ignored the feeling. He thought about Hanagata dancing in the crowds, looking at him. He thought about the look Hanamichi gave him before they were going to perform that night. /I just need to forget him/, Rukawa thought. /Forget everything./  
  
Next to him, Hanagata didn't know what else to say. Part of him wanted the other boy to leave him be, but Hanagata's presence was oddly comforting.  
  
"He will never want you, you know," Hanagata finally said in a low tone.  
  
/Is it that obvious?/ Rukawa wondered, and closed his eyes against the wave of pain that hit him. Hanagata continued, "I've seen him with Sendoh, and they -"  
  
"I know," Rukawa snapped, opening his eyes again to send Hanagata a cold glare. Hanagata just shrugged apologetically. Irritated, Rukawa muttered, "What do you want, anyway?" His hand reached out for another cigarette, but stopped when he felt another hand close on his. For a moment he stared at Hanagata's hands on his. It felt strangely unfamiliar. He realized then that it was a long time since he had been touched (being poked by Kenji and hit by Sakuragi does NOT count). His skin tingled at the touch, like it had been numb and was finally waking up. Pins and needles. It hurts, but was also strangely pleasant.  
  
He looked up, startled, at Hanagata. "What are you doing?" he asked softly.  
  
Hanagata's eyes just looked back at him, dark. "You /did/ ask me what I wanted..." he murmured. Ever so slowly, he leaned closer and lowered his mouth to Rukawa's.  
  
Without even realizing it, Rukawa parted his lips in invitation. His finger's raised to Hanagata's jaw, touching it gently, as the kiss deepened. Suddenly all he wanted was Hanagata's warmth. /Just for a while/, he told himself, as they shifted on the sofa so that they were more comfortable, and Hanagata's tongue stroke deeper in Rukawa's mouth. /Just one more taste.../ Hanagata's mouth left his mouth, skating down his neck, sending a wave of need pulsing through him, and he suddenly panicked. He shuddered, and tried to push Hanagata away.  
  
The older boy tensed, and slowly came back to his senses. "What is it?" he asked softly, pulling away.  
  
Rukawa just shot him a cold look, and scrambled out of the sofa, and left.  
  
  
  
  
  
Rukawa stared at his reflection, letting the water in the sink run and fall between his fingers. When the door to the men's room creaked open, he half- expected to see Fujima, to ask him what happened, to get mad at him, to sympathize… he expected anything from his cousin, really.  
  
The figure that came in was tall and thin with sharp bones and pair of glasses that did not hide the intense gaze of his eyes. Rukawa ignored him, and looked down at his fingers. He slowly turned off the tap and walked away, not even looking at Hanagata.  
  
"Kaede."  
  
Rukawa stopped, but did not turn.  
  
"What was that all about?"  
  
"I just wanted to forget… even if only for a few seconds," Rukawa answered lowly, and reached for the door handle. Before he could open the door, Hanagata's arms went around his waist, embracing him from behind. They stood like that for a few seconds, and then Hanagata felt Rukawa lean against him. He sighed. He knew he couldn't expect Rukawa to forget Hanamichi overnight, but he could wait. He didn't mind. In the meanwhile…  
  
His hands went lower, and fingered Rukawa's waistband. He heard the younger boy's breath quicken, and he knew that it would only take a kiss. Just one kiss, and he would have Rukawa. His fingers clenched, but he pulled them away, as he placed a soft kiss on Rukawa's shoulder blades.  
  
"I can wait," he murmured.  
  
  
  
  
  
NEXT DAY  
  
Jin stared at the entrance of Lost Souls?, wondering if he really should do what he was about to do - find Fujima and have a talk about what happened, and about their relationship in general. He took a deep breath and walked into the club.  
  
At night, Lost Souls? was usually packed with screaming crowds and loud music. In the morning, it was dim and quiet, besides the occasional burst of music from bands practicing. He stepped in uneasily, and walked on until he reached the stage area, where an unknown band were sitting and talking quietly. All of them turned to look at him.  
  
"Um…"  
  
"Soi-kun!" a pair of arms engulfed him in a hug, sending him back a step.  
  
He smiled slowly and asked, "How come you're up so early?"  
  
Himiko pulled back and looked at him for a second, before answering, "What do you mean? I haven't even slept yet!" She smiled at him. "So, what brings you to Ryonan?"  
  
"Actually, I was looking for Kenji. Do you know where he is?"  
  
Himiko nodded. "Osaka."  
  
"What?" He hadn't expected Kenji to be away. After all, the last time they saw each other was yesterday morning, and Kenji didn't mention anything about it…  
  
"Yup. The whole band. And their manager, who also happens to be the club's booking agent. And this other guy, who is rather cute, by the way…" she trailed off, trying to remember something else. "Hmmm… well, it sure is quiet here without them," she finally said, not knowing what else to say.  
  
/Maybe he didn't have a chance to tell me…/ Jin thought. /And maybe he never planned to tell me…/ He thanked Himiko politely and asked her to tell him when Kenji is back in Ryonan.  
  
"Of course," she said, smiling. When he had left Lost Souls?, her smile faded. She had a feeling that something was wrong with the two, but she didn't know what it was.  
  
  
  
  
  
Meanwhile, in an apartment in Osaka, Mito Youhei stared at his best friend across the dining table. "I can't believe that this is you," he murmured with a soft laugh. "You haven't written in AGES, and now you show up looking really different, and you tell me that you're gay?"  
  
Sendoh was leaning against Hanamichi's shoulder, asleep. Mito had given Mitsui and Kiminobu the guest room, while Fujima and Rukawa were sleeping on the living room sofa. Hanagata had gone out, and had told them that he'd be back soon. Hanamichi just nodded at Mito. "Aren't you glad that we're not forgetting you even though all of us are going to be rich and famous?" he asked with a smile.  
  
Mito just rolled his eyes at the question. "So what made all of you to come knocking at my door at 2 a.m. in the morning?"  
  
"Simple. We were in Osaka, and we decided to ask you to hang out with us like we used to!" Hanamichi said, beaming.  
  
Mito shook his head slightly. "Why did I even bother asking?"  
  
"I don't know," Hanamichi answered, yawning.  
  
"Why don't you sleep in my room?" Mito asked him. "I'm going to work in a while already."  
  
"We're going back to Ryonan today," Hanamichi murmured sleepily.  
  
"That's okay. Just lock up before you leave, okay?" Hanamichi nodded pushed Sendoh away so that he could get up and head towards the nearest door. "Er, Hanamichi, that's the bathroom. My room's over there," Mito said, pointing.  
  
"Oh. I knew that," Hanamichi said with another yawn, now heading towards Mito's room. "G'night," he murmured, although it was near noon.  
  
  
  
- tsuzuku -  
  
so? Is it as crappy as I thought? 


	12. Chapter 12

Title: Secret Identity II 

Author: Black Rainbow

Chapter: 12/12

Status: on-going, unedited

Genre: AU, yaoi

Archive: http://moonflower.tk, sdbc, fanfiction.net. if for some reason you want it, e-mail me. ^^

Disclaimer: me only own the original characters and story… Takehiko Inoue owns SD characters, Jahnna N. Malcolm band name, and songs.

Warnings: crossdressing. characters will probably be very OOC, as I don't really know a lot about them. 

-__- Sorry about that. 

**Chapter Twelve**

"Twenty, twenty, twenty four hours ago, I wanna be sedated," Hanamichi sang, playing the Ramones song on his guitar. His brother, who was checking (for the third time) the new equipment Mitsui ordered, winced.

"Hanamichi, can you please not sing right now?" Mitsui said loudly. He was lying on a couch, exhausted. Sendoh and Maki had got them a couple of 'last-minute' gigs in Ryonan before the tour.

"You don't want to lose the fan base you've established here," Sendoh told them.

Mitsui supposed that Sendoh may be right, but at the moment he was too tired to care. They just got back from Osaka a couple of hours ago and their next gig was to be in four hours. Mitsui was trying to nap, or read the latest issue of MOSH! that was in his hands, but Hanamichi was annoying him by purposely singing very loudly, and very out of tune, versions of Ramones songs.

"Are you saying that the Tensai can't sing?" Sakuragi demanded.

"Hanamichi, we're just really tired right now, and we have a gig in four hours, so why don't you get some rest, like what Hisashi is trying to do?" Fujima said quickly. Like Mitsui, he was sprawled on one of the couches, wishing that he had had as much sense as Rukawa, who went straight home to bed instead of to the club.

"Fine, fine," Sakuragi muttered, putting the guitar away. He yawned and stretched his arms, stopping midway as he suddenly remembered something. "Kenji, Akira said that Himiko left a note for you at his desk."

"Himiko? Why'd she leave me a note?" Fujima wondered out loud. He thought of picking it up later, but curiosity got him up and headed towards the office anyway.

When he reached the office, Sendoh was on the phone. He just looked up at Fujima and pointed towards a bright orange paper on his desk. Fujima picked it up, murmured a thank you, and left the office.

He looked at the orange paper, which had been folded in half. He opened it and started to read. It wasn't a long message.

Kenji!

Soichiro-kun came by the club this morning. He was looking for you.

Himiko

Fujima folded the paper, tucked it into his jeans, and quickly headed towards the nearest exit. He could hear his heart beating, drowning out every other sound. He couldn't think about anything but Jin. All the way to the station, the ride to Kainan, the walk to the café… he didn't notice a thing. All he saw was Jin's face. All he heard was his heart.

He ran up the stairs to Serendipity, and peered inside through the glass windows. He could see Jin, holding a tray of cakes, walking towards the counter. Just watching Jin gave Fujima a strange sensation; a pierce of joy and pain that went straight through him. /Soichiro…/

He walked into the café. Everything after that seemed to be in slow motion. Maybe it was the beating of his heart that made it seem so. But what happened was this: Jin looked up and the tray in his hands fell to the floor as he saw Fujima. Fujima went straight to Jin and held him in his arms, as if he would never let go. Jin wanted to push him away, to demand an explanation for Fujima's lies, to pick up the fallen things, to pull Fujima towards someplace more private. But he couldn't.

He was frozen.

He stood there with Fujima's arms around him, almost not comprehending what was happening. His heart pounded heavy beats. He just stood there, feeling Fujima's breath on him, hearing Fujima whisper softly, "I'm sorry."

And the spell was broken. Suddenly he stiffened, causing Fujima to pull back slightly. He gave Fujima a blank look. Fujima had hurt him, and he wasn't sure if he could trust Fujima again. "Sorry… that you lied to me?" he asked softly. "That's all you did, wasn't it? Everything was a lie; ever since we met, everything you told me was a lie. Do you really care about me, or was that a lie, too?"

Fujima shook his head. "No," he insisted. "Listen to me…"

"Listen to what? More lies?" Jin asked. He was on a roll now. Every minute he had spent agonizing about Fujima came back to him, fuelling his anger. The whole café was staring at the two by now, but he didn't notice. "I trusted you!" he told Fujima, his voice calm, belying what he felt inside. He pushed Fujima away. He opened his mouth to say something else, but he just left Fujima and went into the kitchen. He sat at a corner and buried his face in his arms.

Fujima didn't go after him.

Rukawa wasn't asleep. He had been staring at the ceiling for quite a while, and he wasn't asleep yet. He frowned slightly, and turned to his right. He couldn't sleep, and he didn't like the feeling one damn bit.

He pulled his arms up and looked at them for a long time. He used to cut himself, when he was a lot younger. Now he could see the scars, thin and white against his already pale skin. For a moment he entertained the idea of re-opening those old scars. He turned back to face the ceiling. "I just needed to forget," he whispered to it. 

"You're the best thing that have happened to me," Toru had told him. And he knew that it was actually a pretty stupid line to say to someone you barely know, but Rukawa had felt like Toru was speaking the truth. And he wasn't sure how he felt about that. He couldn't see how he could be the best thing that happened in _anybody's_ life. But Toru had said it, and Rukawa was sure that he wasn't telling lies. Recalling Hanagata's kiss, he drifted off to sleep.

That was when the phone rang.

His eyes snapped back open and he snatched the phone next to his bed. "What," he growled into it.

"Uh, Kitsune, you should be back at the club by now. We're playing in –" Not bothering to listen to the rest of Hanamichi's words, Rukawa slammed down the phone and grudgingly dragged himself out of bed.

Fujima entered the dressing room quietly, and let the door slam behind him. Mitsui looked up. "You look so morose," he commented.

"Fuck off," Fujima murmured in a low tone. He didn't feel like talking to anyone, especially Mitsui, whom to Fujima would always be the luckiest guy on earth, because he had Kiminobu.

Mitsui just raised his eyebrows. "Not your usual chipper self, huh?" He turned to continue putting on his make-up, while Fujima took a seat, took out his notebook, and started writing furiously. 

Mitsui turned back towards Fujima. "What are you doing?" 

Fujima didn't answer. He just wrote, while Mitsui watched curiously. After what seemed like forever, Fujima stopped, and threw the notebook at Mitsui. "New song," he said shortly. "I want us to play it tonight." 

"Soichiro?" a soft voice called. Jin raised his face from his arms to look at his sister. "You okay?"

He just shrugged. "I guess."

"Maybe you should go see him in Ryonan again."

"Why?" He stared out the large café windows. "You were right. I shouldn't have trusted him."

"Maybe…" Rei started tentatively. "Maybe I was wrong. He looked like he really cared about you. Maybe you should just go see him one more time, and try to talk to him, or something."

He thought about it. "I don't think so."

"What?" his sister asked, her voice rising. "Why?"

Jin looked at her curiously. "You really want me to do this, don't you?"

Rei shrugged. "I want you to be happy."

He stared at her. After a few second passed, he just nodded. "Okay. I'll go."

Jin stood at the middle of the dance floor when the band started to play. The crowd pushed him forward, and he let himself surge closer to the band. He didn't dance. He just stood, and let the music wash over him. He had heard Androgynous Zone from the tape Himiko had given him, of course, but listening to them live was an entirely different experience. He could feel the music vibrating within him, in his blood, and his heart races along to the music. 

The band had played a couple of songs from _White Noise_ and a Smashing Pumpkins cover, when Kiminobu went onstage to set up stands for music sheets, whispering to Rukawa and Hanamichi. Jin, wondering what was going on, watched Hana walked up to Fujima. They seemed to be arguing, but they couldn't be heard over the crowd. Then Hana stomped away from Fujima and went back to where his microphone was set up. "Uh…" he started to say. The crowd quietened down a bit, as Hana continued. "The next song we're playing is really new. We haven't practiced it or anything yet, so bear with us, okay?" The audience just cheered him on. He shrugged, said in a low voice, "This is for Soichiro," – which made Jin look up at the band in surprise - and started to count in for the song.

Jin had expected Hana or Rukawa to sing, but it was Fujima who sang this time, with Hana backing him up.

_I know I come to you only when in need_

_I'm not the most deserving…_

Jin tried to remember every word. By the time the band hit the chorus, the crowd was moving and cheering wildly. The song was a bit different from the songs they usual play, with the kind of hook that stays in your mind for ages.

_I've got this curse in my hands_

_I've got this curse in my hands_

_Everything I touch they decay_

_Turns to dust_

_Turns to sand_ [1]

Jin looked at Fujima again, and realized that Fujima had been staring at him. _I love you_, Fujima mouthed.

_I love you_, Jin wanted to say back, but he supposed that he had to wait until the show was over to tell Fujima.

Jin had to find Himiko to help him get backstage. He stared at the area, where Androgynous Zone were all slumped with exhaustion at one corner, and sound technicians of different bands were walking around, and a few others twiddling around with their instruments or chatting up some girls. He walked slowly towards where Androgynous Zone were, unsure of himself. When he reached them, they all looked up at him curiously. "Who are you?" Hana demanded.

Jin opened his mouth to speak, and closed it again. Fujima gave him an uncertain smile. "Soichiro," he murmured. He stood up, pulled Jin a couple of feet away from the rest of the band, before saying for the second time that day, "I'm sorry." Jin replied by covering Fujima's lips with his in a warm, none-too-hasty, kiss. 

He hugged Fujima and whispered, "let's talk later," before straightening up and turning back to where Mitsui, Kiminobu, Hana, and Rukawa were sitting. "It was an incredible show," he told them sincerely. They realized that they've been staring and smiled at Jin (a little too widely) before murmuring a chorus of thanks.

"I'm sorry about fucking everything up," Fujima murmured hours later. The two of them were alone, leaning against the sofa at the balcony outside the studio. Both were feeling very awake, despite the fact that it was almost dawn.

"It's okay," Jin murmured back. They had spent the whole night talking. "You didn't, you know, fuck everything up. It's just that… I've never fallen in love before." _And I didn't know what to do when I did_.

"Neither have I." Fujima stared absently into space. "But I love you," he said wonderingly_. I didn't know how it happened, but it did_. "Hey, want to come along on the tour?"

"Come along?" Jin asked, surprised. "Is… is it okay?"

"Why not? I mean, Sendoh and Kiminobu gets to come along, why not you?" 

"Kenji. Sendoh is your manager, and Kiminobu's your sound tech," Jin said with a smile.

"So what?" Fujima retorted. "Sendoh will let you come along," he said confidently. He turned slightly to look into the studio, where everyone was having their own little party. Hana was boasting about being the reason that night's gig was a success, although Sendoh was the only one actually listening to him. Mitsui was completely off his face, and Kiminobu was desperately trying to get him to sober up a bit. Pristine Smut's music was blasting on the speakers. Himiko was flirting with the drummer from Hanagata's band. Hanagata himself was sitting next to Rukawa, talking. The thought of the two of them getting together somehow made Fujima feel strangely happy. Of course, he knew that they technically weren't together _yet_, but it was just a matter of time, he figured. He turned back to look at Jin, who was looking at him, and smiled widely._ I don't know how long all of this will last_, he thought, remembering the conversation he had with Rukawa once [2]. _The fame, the band… but I know that as long as we are all still friends, and I still have Soichiro… everything is all right._

**owari**

[1] song by Sleater-Kinney

[2] chapter 5…

This is it. The end, which is really crappy. Complete and utter crap. But I was thinking that if I don't end this now I would never end it, since my muse appears to have run away… Y__Y 

CHAPTER 11 | FIC INDEX


End file.
